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I had a dream.

2012-01-24T21:42:00.000-06:00

The other night I had a dream that was as vivid as it was bizarre. I thought about it all day and tried to make heads or tails of what it meant. I haven't finished analyzing it yet because every time I think about it I remember more details and I find myself noodling over the color of the shirt the guy was wearing or the way the other person wore her hair.

I'm going to try to document the dream here without doing any analysis and without getting too deep in the details. I'll be interested to hear from my analytical friends about what they think of this one.

Here it goes.

It started with me at a restaurant, in a bar area overlooking the restaurant lobby. The waitress in that bar lobby was practically running through the bar at a frantic pace trying to take care of everyone but there were probably only 5 people total in that room. Six if you count the bartender and 7 if you count her. Her speed was excessive and unnecessary. She was also the meanest damn waitress I have ever encountered. She snarled and made shitty comments to everyone about everything. When she didn't have something mean to say directly to someone she mumbled under her breath. She was pure evil and she was out of place in a restaurant with a calm ambiance.

I was waiting for co-workers, specifically, my team and they slowly started to arrive one at a time. I was talking to 2 of them and one of them mentioned that a 3rd co-worker wouldn't be joining us. They had a cold or the flu and didn't want to expose us to their germs. At the moment they were finishing that explanation another co-worker walked in the door, looked around, appeared to see the bar to their right then proceeded to go forward towards a window, a bit to the left of the lobby and pull out their cell phone.

I approached this co-worker to let them know where the rest of us were and they said, "there has been an accident" as they pointed out the window that was essentially a wall. They proceeded to make a phone call, apparently to the police.

By the time I turned around the other two co-workers were already out the door and headed towards the accident. I wasn't far behind but was slowed down by the fact that I was dressed in pumps and the sidewalk was the equivalent of an ice skating rink. The fact that I was headed down a hill on this lengthy patch of ice didn't help but I did manage to slide down the sidewalk to the intersection where there had appeared to be an accident.

When I got to the corner there were 2-3 men standing on the corner and they were all police officers. They were looking at the accident scene which upon closer inspection puzzled me. The scene was a dark grey minivan that was pointed kitty wompas (spelling?) on the street, sort of towards the sidewalk I was on and every door on that van was wide open. There was not a single scratch or dent on that van that I could see and as I scanned the vehicle for signs of trauma I realized that in the backseat of the minivan was a small child strapped into a car seat. I looked back at the officers as if to say with my eyes "WHY THE FUCK IS THAT BABY THERE UNATTENDED" but I (and they) said nothing. The baby was calm and appeared to be uninjured so I walked around the front of the van to the other side of the street.

As I got across the street I noticed the weather had changed. It had gone from cold and icy to warm and rainy. I inspected that side of the vehicle, observed more onlookers that were standing at a distance from the vehicle but nobody was saying a word or doing anything other than staring at the minivan.

As I looked around I couldn't figure out who in the crowd might have been the driver and as I scanned the crowd I noticed a small river behind me along that same side of the road. It was almost like a pool in that it was very clear water and not a weed or fish or any sign of life in the water. I don't know if someone said something about the driver being a single mother or if I wondered if it was a mother but somehow the idea of a single mother being the driver came into my dream.

I decided to walk down the street, back towards the restaurant in the grass along the river. I was weaving around people who were continuing their silent observation of the scene. As I walked, it continued warm drizzling rain and I found a spot where the river seemed to end. I also noticed that I was suddenly barefoot and the water from the river (and possibly the rain) had made the grass I was walking in very soggy and my feet were sinking into a warm mixture of water, mud and grass.

As I walked around the end of the river to the other side, I was greeted by a tall blonde male in khaki shorts, a pale blue shirt. He had a large white bucket with him and as I rounded the corner and found myself face to face with him, he extended his hand. I took his hand and he guided me to walk along that opposite side of the river ahead of him. He held the bucket up over my head and when I asked why he was doing that he said it was to keep me dry.

"Won't the bucket get heavy if it fills with rain?" I asked.

He said it might but that he was prepared if it did.

I suggested that the bucket over my head wasn't necessary but he continued to walk a half step behind me holding the bucket over my head as we walked along the river back towards the car.

I remember knowing him in my dream but in real life, I don't know who he was. He was kind, quiet, boyishly cute.

We got to a part of the river which again seemed more like a pool. It was 6 feet deep at most but generally appeared to be about 4 feet on average. We didn't walk far when I noticed a man in the water. He was wearing khaki gear, much like what you would see someone wear on safari. He had on a safari hat. He had on hip waders although he was in that water WAY deeper than the hip waders covered. He also had a very long and thin piece of rope in one hand and he was carefully holding one end of it over the water. It really looked like string. There was nothing to it. Thin and fragile looking. Suddenly a very large seal dove up out of the water next to the man. It was enormous and I noticed that the other end of this string was tied very loosely around the seals nose. I wondered how an animal that big could maneuver in such shallow waters but the seal seemed friendly and in control as it dove in and out of the water slowly with the man on the other end of the string.

I asked the boyishly cute boy what the story was with the man and the seal.

"They are trying to find her" he said.

"They think she's in the water." he continued.

"They don't think they are going to find her alive." he finished.

I really had no grasp of who she was. My immediate thought was "Christ. It is pool water. Get the seal out of there and fucking LOOK for her." and as I thought that thought, I turned, looked behind me in the water and there she was. A lifeless body at the bottom of the pool.

She was probably my height, dressed in black and had long brown or black hair. She was older than me but probably not by much. When I saw her I thought back to the minivan with the doors open and thought yup. This is her. This is the person that should be driving that baby someplace.

My heart sank as I slowly walked to the man with the seal on the string. I bent down towards the water near him and whispered, "She's there" and pointed to where I saw her. I told him the seal was overkill. He let go of the string and as the seal swam off in the other direction the man, without saying a word,dove into the water and swept up the lifeless body. I suspect he brought her out of the water but that is where the dream ends. At least what I remember of it now.

If I could draw or paint I could paint a picture of this dream. It was so vivid it was like watching a movie.

Dream analyzers? Start your engines.

For dreamers. And Tech Support.

2012-01-07T08:10:00.000-06:00

Last night in a dream someone said to me "The first level of Tech Support is self help. We won't help you until we're thoroughly convinced that you tried to help yourself first."

Prompt 30: One Word

2012-01-02T20:14:00.000-06:00

Earlier this month, we wrote about our one word to describe 2011. Today, let's write about our one word for 2012. What word do you want to use to describe how you will approach 2012?

Will it be awesome? Will it be frugal? Will it be open? Will it be the year of yes? What is your 2012?

This may sound selfish or self-centered but 2012 is the year of KathyHowe. It is the year in which I reclaim things that I feel I lost or gave up in recent years. It is the year that I reconnect with myself and my beliefs. It is the year that I reconsider where I am and where I want to be.

One "word" for 2012 is KathyHowe.

2012 is going to be my year.

Prompt 30: Future Self

2012-01-02T20:05:00.000-06:00

Today, write a letter to yourself to read on 12/30/12. Write about what you have accomplished. Write about who you are and who you have become. Write a wishlist.

Is writing a letter to yourself too cheesy? Write about how you would like your life to be different than it is now at this time next year. Or write about what you would like to have stay the same.

When I read that I should write a letter to my future self I had an immediate idea for what I would write but it isn't exactly in line with the prompt. Then I remembered that writing prompts are supposed to get us thinking of topics to write about. They aren't directives on exactly what we need to write. So with that idea I now present, a letter to myself. Past, present and future.

Dear KathyHowe,

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't even begin to imagine what your life would be like as an adult? You couldn't imagine having kids and you couldn't imagine not having them. Married? Not married? You had no vision of what that would look like.

When you thought of what your career might look like as an adult your thoughts almost immediately shifted to school. Do you remember hating school, KathyHowe? Yes. Of course you do. Your mom, who has the greatest sense of humor in the world had the words "WHEW! You made it! Congratulations, Kathy!" written on your graduation cake. It was as funny as it was true. You graduated near the bottom of your class.

Fast forward twenty plus years to this very moment.

KathyHowe? If this were football someone would be slapping your ass for all the field goals you have kicked. Life isn't what we imagine it to be, it is what we make it be. And that plan doesn't have to be particularly well laid out.

Keep making life great and don't ever get too hung up on the details. It has and will continue to unfold in ways that will astonish you. Be open to the possibilities. Believe in the unknown. Believe in what you cannot always see.

Believe you are worthy and believe in YOU.

On 12/30/2012 I want you to write me a story about how these ideas panned out for you because if my instincts are right, 2012 is going to be a kick-ass year for you.

Much love,
KathyHowe

Prompt 29: Let go

2012-01-02T14:15:00.000-06:00

Today's prompt is brought to you by Krissie from Questions for Dessert and @krissieb.

Letting go can be hard. We get comfortable in our current situation. We have a tendency to repeat the same behaviors and patterns even when we know they are not in our best interest. Sometimes we hold on to relationships, dreams, feelings, or stuff just because we can't let go.

But letting go sometimes is what we need to do.

What did you let go of in 2011? What was the experience like? How is your life different today? Do you ever regret it?

If not, is there something that you need to let go of in 2012? What scares you about that possibility? What situation do you need to create for that to happen?

I let go of feeling obligated to do social things. Particularly social things that conflicted with my workout schedule or plans.

This was good for me because I was able to focus on doing some things that I enjoy and I tried a few new things that I learned to love. And I met some really great new people along the way. I had some fun experiences in 2011, including going over the bars on my mountain bike which actually lead me to some really great new things like my personal trainer and monthly maintenance visits with the chiropractor.

Prompt 28: Five things

2012-01-02T14:08:00.000-06:00

Take today to jot down five memories that you would like to never forget about 2011. Try to write about five things you haven't shared yet, but if you need to repeat, that's OK!

There weren't a lot of monumental or life changing moments in 2011 but a few things that I want to remember, or better yet, a few things I want to take away from the year are as follows:

Don't ever let the beliefs of another person wear you down. Speak up or move on.
The word "no" is sometimes the greatest word in the dictionary.
Take more pictures of the kids. You really sucked at this in 2011, KathyHowe.
Airplane mode on the iPhone isn't just for airplanes anymore. Embrace random nights to yourself fully.
Smoothies are damn easy to make and damn delicious. More smoothies in 2012!

Prompt 27: Everything is going to be OK.

2012-01-02T14:02:00.000-06:00

What is one thing, a sign if you will, that has shown you that things will be just fine in 2012?

A sign that everything will be OK? Hmmmm...honestly, how can we ever know the answer to that? Even just from one day to the next, how can we know everything will be OK?

Life is full of surprises, detours and curve balls. I guess if I had to name one reason why I think everything will be OK for me in 2012 it would be this:

EXPERIENCE.

Life has not always gone how I wanted or expected it to go. There have been surprises of all kinds in my life and some of the curve balls were made of cement and aimed directly for my heart and head.

But I got through those moments and that experience tells me that I can get through anything 2012 decides to send my way.

The KathyHowe soapbox on successeful women.

2012-01-02T12:30:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make. I totally love Ted.com. It is a source of some of my favorite, most insightful videos. I have watched many of the videos more than once. Including this one by Sheryl Sandberg on Why we have too few women leaders.

Watch it then come back here. I'll wait.

I really like this video for a long list of reasons. She is so right in all of her points and while I am not a C-level executive, I am in management and I can see how my choices are in line with some of her thoughts and ideas.

But one thing I thought was blatantly missing was any commentary about single mothers in the workplace. Specifically, single mothers that desire leadership roles.

Clearly, Sheryl is not a single mother so it is possible she didn't feel like this was a topic could comment on but I think if we are going to talk about women in leadership roles we cannot forget the single mothers out there who are busting their asses day and night to do everything for their children, their home, their careers and themselves.

And they are doing it without the support of a significant other.

There are women out there that are exceeding in the workplace and at home and they are doing it all alone. They are achieving because they deserve to achieve. Because they worked hard and took chances.

They are not succeeding because they simply got lucky.

If any woman out there, single or coupled, wants to figure out how to manage it all and make it work, I suggest finding a single mother as a role model.

If a single mother can do it, why can't you?

/soapbox

Prompt 26: Outro

2011-12-26T10:22:00.000-06:00

Earlier this month we revealed our theme song. Today, share with us the song you would like to be remembered by. Share with us your exit song.

Is that a little too personal or deep for you? Why not share with us the song that helps you leave 2011 behind and ring in the new

This is the first thing that came to mind.

Prompt 25: All is Love

2011-12-26T10:19:00.002-06:00

Who do you love unconditionally? Who loves you unconditionally? Who do you love despite their flaws? All is love.

My children.

The end.

Prompt 24: Try

2011-12-26T10:17:00.000-06:00

What is one thing (activity, food, career, event, travel, etc.) that you'd like to try in 2012? Why haven't you tried it yet? What makes 2012 the year to try it?

Well this is timely because just yesterday I would not have had an answer for this.

Last night when I was out skiing it was suggested that I consider being a ski instructor. That is not something I have ever considered in my life.

My initial reaction was a burst of laughter. Seriously? Me? Teach downhill skiing? That's funny considering I was just thinking that I need more lessons myself.

But when I thought about what it would really mean to be an instructor I thought maybe teaching is a good way to learn too.

I spent Friday night teaching my niece and nephew how to stop and turn on downhill ski's and the week before I attempted to teach them to snowboard. Boarding was OK for my niece but my nephew was a bat out of hell on that thing. But regardless, I had a great time chasing them up and down the hills on both of those days.

And while doing it, I was reciting the things my ski instructors had said to me JUST LAST YEAR. And as I said those things, I was reminding myself of things that I had actually forgotten from my own lessons.

I also started thinking about the clinics I have seen the instructors participate in to further their own skills. All of this exposure to teaching, being taught and spending time with more advanced skiers might be the ticket to advancing my own skills.

So I think next season, at the end of 2012 I will explore the idea of becoming an instructor. Before then I plan to join a ski group for women to pick up more tips and tricks for myself. Then, maybe next year (when I'm not training for a marathon) I will have better skills and more time to explore the instructor idea.

Prompt 23: Today is all you have

2011-12-26T10:06:00.000-06:00

It's true, today is all you have, so why not make the most of it? Describe your perfect day, one that you've had this year or one that you'd like to have next year. What makes it perfect for you?

My perfect day depends on so many things. My mood, the weather, the time of day and so on.

But there is never a bad day for a visit to Lake Superior. Specifically to the spa I visit north of Grand Marais, MN.

When I am there I get the perfect mix of outdoors, fresh air, exercise and relaxation. Not to mention AMAZING scenery, endless photo opportunities and days of me time.

This is all made even better by the fact that there is no internet access where I stay and I have to drive 40 minutes south and stand on just the right corner to get a cell phone signal.

That is the perfect day for me.

Prompt 22: Identify the Problem

2011-12-26T10:01:00.000-06:00

Today's prompt is borrowed from Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project.

Identify the problem. That is, when you’re annoyed, angered, or frustrated, ask yourself, “What exactly is the problem here?”

Today, take a few minutes to ponder that one little, nagging issue that, if solved or eliminated, would make your life better. Perhaps, getting up five minutes earlier would make your life easier. Maybe smiling at that one coworker that drives you crazy would ease the tension. What small change in your life would or could make a big difference?

I need to get better at saying NO again.

I have let that slip a bit and I need to reclaim a few pieces of myself, of my life, of my time by putting that word back in my vocabulary.

Prompt 21: Embrace

2011-12-26T09:49:00.000-06:00

We all have guilty pleasures - long baths, Shakira, Pabst, the Kardashians - and we can spend time and energy fighting and hiding them. Until we get tired of fighting them. And then we either stop endulging or we embrace them.

What guilty pleasure have you embraced this year? What have you just accepted as something you enjoy and stopped denying it? What do you enjoy that would surprise people that know you?

If you're still fighting your guilty pleasure, tell us what it is. Come clean. You'll feel a lot better.

(And I'll eat pretzel M&Ms and watch Teen Mom while I read about yours.)

I found out I like Spartacus.

Does that count?

Prompt 20: Elevator Speech

2011-12-26T09:44:00.000-06:00

If you had 30-90 seconds to describe yourself (give an elevator speech, how would you sum up who you are? Today's prompt would make a great video if you have the capabilities.

I could probably write a million elevator speeches for myself and apply them to different scenarios. Mom, Individual, Runner/Cyclist/Ski Bunny, Professional. But what I have on my Google Profile really sums up who I am pretty well in just a few words. Does it describe all of me? No. But neither does 10 years of writing in this blog. This really probably explains my personality better than anything:

A die-hard optimist with a quick wit, an addiction to laughter and a daily craving for chocolate that kicks in around 3pm. Yoga makes me cry, I've been called a beer snob and I have been known to laugh at my own jokes.

Prompt 19: Then and Now

2011-12-26T09:39:00.000-06:00

What was your life like a decade ago? How has your life changed since then? If you're not feeling wordy today, why not show us some then and now portraits of yourself?

Ten years ago I was in the midst of ending my marriage and having quite possibly one of the worst years of my life. Sadly, it would actually get WORSE before it got better but when it turned that corner, when it did get better, it over-achieved and it got GREAT.

It was an AWFUL time in my life for a long list of reasons and I am so glad for the lessons I learned from those experiences but I PRAY LIKE HELL that I never end up in that place again.

My life now is stable, secure and filled with happiness. I have always loved my career but I am THRILLED to say that I love it more every year. I look enjoy the work I do and I enjoy my extra curricular activities like running, cycling, mountain biking, skiing and snowshoeing.

My kids are doing great, my house is finally getting some of the face lifts that it needs and I don't stare at my bedroom ceiling in the middle of the night wondering how the hell I'm going to pay bills and feed the kids.

I have worked my ass off to get where I am and a lot of people have given me incredible opportunities over the years. Every single day I am grateful for all that I have and all that I am able to do.

Right now I am in the best financial, emotional and physical shape of my life.

Ten years ago I was in the worst shape in all of those categories.

Now ROCKS.

Happy donation day!

2011-12-25T08:15:00.000-06:00

Woke up to thinking about people that can't afford gifts, food or housing this year. Was feeling incredibly blessed until my son burst into my room bitching about his Santa gifts.

Now I'm feeling more like kicking his ungrateful 11 year old ass.

Guess who is going to donate all of his Santa gifts this year?

Prompt 18: Traditions

2011-12-19T18:47:00.000-06:00

This is the time of year when families are upholding decades old traditions and working to create new ones. It doesn't matter what you celebrate (or don't) ... please share with us your December traditions: how they got started, why you continue them, and why they are special to you.

I am adopting a new tradition in December. I have kind of done this off and on over the years and many people I know absolutely hate it. But it suits me well so I think I am going to formalize this a bit by actually stating it out loud.

My new December tradition is to do what I am inspired to do when it comes to celebrating the holidays.

That means this year, when I asked the kids if they wanted to put up the tree and they said no, I said "HOT DAMN! That stupid thing can stay in the attic!"

And we went downhill skiing for the day.

This also means that when I am invited to a holiday party that I don't really want to go to I will politely decline. No more attending events that I don't actually care about.

I think not doing some of these things will free up a bit of time and a lot of brain spin over-thinking things. I think stating this new tradition out loud will also eliminate a bit of self-imposed guilt for not doing these things because HEY! Now this is a TRADITION for me.

And if traditions are important to everyone else they will surely recognize that my traditions are important to me.

RIGHT?!?!?
:)

Prompt 17: Appreciate

2011-12-19T18:41:00.000-06:00

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year?

How do you express gratitude for it?

You know what I will appreciate? This writing exercise being over. It is starting to be less and less interesting to me.

What did I come to appreciate this past year? My ability to adapt to change quickly seems to be working well for me. I'm going to pick that.

Prompt 16: Ordinary Extraordinary

2011-12-19T18:36:00.000-06:00

Have you ever heard the expression "God is in the details?" Or, perhaps, "the devil is in the details?"

In college, I had an instructor who would circle the most minuscule omissions in red pen and write that phrase: God is in the details. Accidentally double space after a period when the rest have single spaces? Red pen. God is in the details. Barely noticeable typography goof-up? Red pen. God is in the details.

Annoying, right? Right, but insightful. At the time I was annoyed because I had five classes of nothing but writing and creating and the last thing on my mind was a tiny, forgotten detail. When you think about it though, it is the details that make up our lives: little, seemingly insignificant details, choices, and moments that make up our life, make up our story.

Sometimes the most ordinary, mundane things can turn into extraordinary moments. What was one of your most extraordinary ordinary moments this year?

Our story is in the details ... How will you resound?

Good grief. I thought these writing prompts would challenge me to think a little bit and write a lot. They are actually making me roll my eyes violently and think "Fuck. REALLY?"

What ordinary moment turned extraordinary? I don't know. I found out that taking the bus is more than tolerable. On some days, it is the place where I take a much needed nap. Is that extraordinary?

I learned how to grocery shop on the OUTSIDE of the store more than I used to. Is that extraordinary?

How about learning to make fruit smoothies? Buying a NINJA blender must count as extraordinary.

Seriously. I love my life and I think I appreciate all the details of it. Big and small. But coming up with something for this particular prompt proved damn near impossible.

Sometimes God isn't in the details. Sometimes God operates at a much higher level. Think of the view of the earth from 50,000 feet up. Don't think of the view of the instrument panel in the cockpit.

How will you resound?

Prompt 15: Discovery

2011-12-15T17:39:00.000-06:00

We learn new things every day. Processes change at work. We meet new people. We cook new recipes. We are constantly learning and growing.

But sometimes we learn something that qualifies as a discovery. A piece of new information - a feeling, a song, a place, an event, a book, a random fact - can sometimes change our view on the world and our place in it. Discovery can bring on positive change, but sometimes discovery is hard. Sometimes it causes conflict. But after a discovery, something about you just isn't quite the same.

What discovery did you make in 2011? What kind of impact did it have on how you view the world today?

I recently discovered something that has me feeling rather frustrated with myself.

I discovered that I have been tolerating some STUFF from someone that I know. STUFF that I have been trying to ignore.

I don't think I intentionally ignored the STUFF for these reasons but I know I have a tendency to avoid STUFF that could cause conflict. I also have a tendency to avoid STUFF that might suggest that I feel like someone else needs to change. I am STRONGLY against trying to change other people. I don't believe in it. People are who they are. But unfortunately sometimes who they are goes directly against something I believe strongly in. And while the rest of the stuff about that person can be perfectly wonderful, I cannot live with the other STUFF.

And that is where I have found myself.

Dealing with STUFF from someone that I mostly like. I don't want to change this person but certain things that they do, I'd like them to stop doing them around me. And while that will require them to make some change in how they behave, I don't think I am about to ask for too much knowing that the alternative could end up being they have no opportunity to expose me to their STUFF if I end up needing to cut them off completely.

So there it is. My discovery is that I am tolerating something that I do not like and now I need to do something about it.

Blergh.

Prompt 14: Home is...

2011-12-15T07:08:00.000-06:00

When did you feel most at home this year: in your life, in your space, in your career, in your skin? What factors make that situation feel like home? Do certain comforts make your space feel like home? Does being with certain people make you feel complete? Is there an activity in which you excel that makes you feel like you're doing what you were meant to do?

This is your life. Where do you live? Where is home?

This prompt reminds me of one of my favorite Kazoofus posts titled Where I'm From. Go read it. It was a fun writing exercise and I really like how it turned out. If you haven't done the exercise you might want to. It really was fun to write.

But that post is really about where I came from and not where home is for me now.That seems like a simpler answer.

Home is MY house. It is where I live.

It isn't the places where I feel comfortable or at home. It isn't the house I grew up in. It isn't my best friends house. It isn't the spa on the north shore that I love so much.

Home is where I live right now.

Some might say that home is where ever their family is. I suppose that is true for me now but some day my kids will move out and my home will still be where I live. Not where they live.

Home is where I live.

It is that simple.

Prompt 13: Best Gift

2011-12-14T17:01:00.004-06:00

The holiday season is typically a time we focus on others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. I can get so caught up in the expectations of the season that I have a hard time remembering to enjoy the peace and wonder of the season. I can forget to take time to care for myself. So lets look back on how we cared for ourselves. Maybe we'll inspire each other to take a few minutes for ourselves today.

What was the best gift you gave yourself this year? Did you buy big, fluffy towels? Did you have a massage on a day when you really needed it? Did you forgive someone and give yourself the freedom from that grudge?

I think the best gift I gave myself in 2011 was the gift of a personal trainer.

For years I have talked about finding a trainer for various reasons but never made it a priority. After going over the bars on my mountain bike in August I found myself with a doozy of a rib injury that grew into back issues. I was unable to do much of anything for about 6 weeks.

During that time I had run across a place near my new office that focus' on corrective exercise. I decided that for the first time ever in my life, I wanted to ease back into my fitness routine post-injury and not go back to the routine like a bat out of hell like I normally do.

I really only intended to work with the trainer for about 5 weeks but I have continued on well beyond that and plan to keep going. I have noticed that the upper body and core strength I have gained from working with a personal trainer has made me a MUCH better, much STRONGER mountain biker. My average pace for a 3 mile run has improved which I can ONLY attribute to the work I have done with the trainer since I don't run much during the summer months. When I resumed my fall running schedule, I was INSTANTLY faster. It was almost effortless to do 10 minute miles which is fast for me.

I have also noticed that the nagging knee pain that would show up from time to time has gone on hiatus. I can't even tell you when it hurt last. That is reassuring because I am planning to do a marathon (or at least half of one) in Cleveland in May 2012. Knee pain is not invited to join me on that run.

If you are serious about your workouts and don't have the discipline to do core and strength training I suggest getting a trainer ASAP. I'm excited to see how working with a personal trainer improves my marathon training and finishing time.

Will you resound?

Prompt 12: 12 in 12

2011-12-12T07:10:00.000-06:00

Take today to talk about 12 things you would like to accomplish in 2012. These 12 things can be 12 resolutions, 12 changes in your life, 12 wines you'd like to drink, 12 cities you'd like to visit, or 12 monthly goals. The decision is yours. Good luck and have fun!

I had a forty before forty list & had a great time coming up with the list. Accomplishing the things on that list was a blast. So this prompt is a fun opportunity to recreate that experience on a smaller scale.

Some of these things were already in my head but some of these are off the cuff.

1. Run the Cleveland Marathon. Or at least half of it.

2. Run a snowshoe 5k.

3. Ride my bike in the snow.

4. Ski at least twice a month.

5. Go down a black diamond hill and not be afraid for my life.

6. Take Moose on more runs.

7. Run with Moose in a 5k.

8. Clean my attic.

9. Stain my deck.

10. Eat at home more.

11. Take the kids on a trip.

12. Get a massage at least every other month.

Prompt 11: Best Meal

2011-12-11T10:30:00.000-06:00

What is the best meal or best food that you have eaten all year? Did you make it? Did you get it at a restaurant? Do your best to describe the food and the experience with us.

I'm not a big food snob so this prompt made me roll my eyes. I also don't cook so asking me about my best meal is like asking me if I prefer Velveeta macaroni and cheese over Kraft.

Boring.

But I do have an answer for this prompt. While it isn't the BEST thing I ate all year (I really don't know what that would have been), it was definitely the most unexpected thing I liked all year.

I had it probably 6 months ago. I was over at Bonus' house and we were hungry but being a bachelor means there are pretty slim pickings in his kitchen. Bonus is a pretty good cook and can make a meal out of nothing. This day proved it to me.

He took perogies, marinara sauce, a frozen bag of mixed veggies and spinach, cooked it all up, mixed it together and put it on a plate in front of me. It was super colorful and tasted about a thousand times better than I expected. In fact it was so good I went out and bought those exact ingredients so he could make it again the following week.

Probably not my BEST meal of the year, but definitely a memorable one.

Prompt 10: High/Low

2011-12-11T10:05:00.000-06:00

Today is a bit of a choose your own adventure: write (paint, draw, photograph, record, etc.) about your best experience this year. If that's not your cup of joe, write about your worst experience. Feeling chatty? Share both your best and worst moments.

I don't know if this is the worst moment of my year but in some ways, it wasn't really my moment.

Over the summer a friend of mine was dealing with the slow death of her father. She eventually became his primary caretaker and the weight of months and months of the experience was becoming heavier and heavier on her heart, mind and body.

One day, a Wednesday I believe, she posted something online that I couldn't ignore. I realized that she was at her breaking point and there was nobody near her that could give her the support she needed.

I don't claim to have any magical solutions for dealing with a dying parent, or anyone dying for that matter. And I didn't really know what I would do when I got there. Or how I would actually be of help and not one more thing for her to take care of. But I sent her a note and asked if I could fly out there and spend a long weekend with her. Helping her do whatever she needs. Giving her a break from her new daily ritual of caring for her dying father. Her response was instant. And it was brief.

YES.

So I booked a flight, rented a car, coordinated care for the kids and pets and found myself thousands of miles from home with bags packed and no clue what the fuck I was getting into.

When she was feeling so hopeless, I was feeling helpless. I had to be there even if all I did was tell her goofy stories and make her laugh for a few days.

I can't even describe the days that followed. It included crying and laughing and a walk to a liquor store and sponge baths for a dying man. It included a shopping trip with her mother who upon entering the store boldly announced "I need something to wear to my husband's funeral!"

He wasn't even dead yet.

I left a woman with dementia in a running car not realizing that you should not leave women with dementia unattended for very long and especially NOT inside a running vehicle. The moment I realized what I had done I shouted something like "HOLY FUCK I HAVE TO GO" in front of children of various ages and bolted out a back door.

I think my visit helped my friend. I know I learned a lot about myself, my friend, death, dementia and what really matters in life during my time there. I will never look at my friend the same again. The strength that she had within her to get her through months of that experience is mind boggling to me. If a long weekend left an impression on me, what has this experience taught her?

Peace out.

Resound 09: Best Photo

2011-12-11T09:49:00.000-06:00

Today, please post your best photo of the year. It doesn't have to be the best technically, it doesn't have to be the best visually, but it should be a photo that you consider the best. Does it have special meaning? Is it of a significant event or moment? Share it with us!

What if you don't have a photo? That's OK, share an explanation of a "missed shot," or a photo you wish you could have taken had you had your camera with you or if your camera would have cooperated.

After successfully finishing a 365 photo project a few years ago I have pretty much fallen off of the photography bandwagon. This bothers me because I know I am missing great photo opportunities. I actually spent money on a nice camera (Canon Rebel) and thought that having a new toy would prompt me to get back to photography.

The result of that purchase is my daughter has discovered photography. And we've both discovered she is really really good at it. Naturally. So that camera was money well spent because she gets lots of use out of it.

But me? I have fallen down on the photography front so when I look back at photos from 2011 it is bleak. Having said that, I do have a photo from 2011 that I love. I took it on my iPhone, gussied it up with InstaGram and posted it online over the summer when I was in Grand Marais with friends for an annual trip.

I like this photo for a couple reasons. First because it is a good picture of Moose. As beautiful as he is, it is hard to get a good picture of him. Probably in part because he tries to lick the lens when it pointed in his direction. So I feel like this particular shot is one of only a few good pictures of Moose.

The other reason I like this picture is because it was taken on Moose's first solo trip to Grand Marais. Outlaw did not join us on that trip. While the fact that Outlaw has aged to the point that he no longer does well with all of the activity that comes with 4 days in the woods, it makes me happy that Moose has grown into a smart, fun, social dog that I can enjoy and trust on trips like this.

Moose spent the long weekend laying under chairs on restaurant patios being loved up by most everyone that passed by. He spent the long weekend off leash, trotting behind my mountain bike as I adventured through the woods. He played in the woods that surrounded my cabin, never straying very far and always coming back when called. He proved to me that weekend that he had grown up enough to be the dog I wanted him to be.

Prompt 08: Catch Phrase

2011-12-09T07:07:00.000-06:00

What's your trademark phrase? Not sure? How about a quote or saying that you repeat often? Bonus points if it's new for 2011, but we won't be upset if it's been around longer than that. Try to put it in context for us if it's a little abstract.

At work I tend to say "We aren't saving babies" when people start getting stressed about work-related topics. I work in IT and while the work we do is important, we aren't saving lives. Sometimes we lose our perspective on what is important and oftentimes, getting bent out of shape over something in my line of work is not only unnecessary but it is also foolish. Remain calm and look for Plan B. The sky isn't going to fall.

Pinky swear.

Prompt 07: Achievement Unlocked

2011-12-07T18:02:00.000-06:00

What goal did you set for yourself and achieve this year? Did you achieve something you didn't think you could? Did you win an award? Did you set a record? Did you finally get your VCR from 1985 to stop blinking 12:00? C'mon, share it! Today is your chance to brag and get a resounding round of interweb applause.

I ran my first FULL MARATHON!

Prompt 06: Thelma & Louise

2011-12-07T17:36:00.012-06:00

Who is the Thelma to your Louise? Who is your partner in crime? Did you reacquaint yourself with an old friend? Did you make a new friend? Or, perhaps, you are a lone ranger?

Take some time today to look back on how you spent your year and give a shout out to anyone that helped to make it special. If you don't have any close friends that fit the bill, think about who you spend your time with on a regular basis, who is the bright spot in your day? Maybe you joke around with a coworker just to get through the day. Maybe the barista who serves your coffee knows your order by heart and/or knows when to suggest you mix it up. Who makes your life just a little bit better just by being themselves?

The obvious answer that most people probably expect me to write is Bonus Friend. He and I met with the idea that we would run and bike together when it worked for our schedules. It was a swell idea but neither one of us expected to become best friends in the process. I talk to him daily, my kids have a great relationship with him, I buy dinner that he cooks, he fixes my bikes, he fixes my kids bikes, I watch his dog when he is out of town and give him dating advice because those that don't do, teach. :)

It really is a wonderful friendship and in many ways, he is my Thelma.

Although I'll probably keep calling him "Bonus".

But I also have other friends that fill other spaces in my life and I can't imagine not having them around. There is my friend Tim who I met through work. Quite possibly one of the biggest clowns I know, Tim reminds me to chill out and have some damn fun. Nobody embarrasses me in public quite like Tim. Nobody ever messed with the stuff on my desk quite like Tim. Nobody in my life is as random and unpredictable like Tim. It's good for me to have someone in my life that does unexpected things because I'm a planner by nature and Tim is a good reminder that not everything is or should be planned. I never saw Thelma and Louise but Tim is whichever one is the goofball.

My friend Brian sends me the most ridiculous text messages about nothing at all. They are bright spots in my day. They are light-hearted and always create an opportunity for witty and fun banter. On those days that you want to bang your head against a wall and are trying to decide if you should bang any other heads at the same time, those are the days you should have a Brian as your Thelma.

My other sidekick is myself. Doing things my way and on my schedule is refreshing. I honestly believe I am in great company when I am doing things all by myself. I like the things that I think about and I am perfectly capable of keeping myself entertained. I am the funniest person I know, afterall.

I mean seriously. If I can't enjoy being in my own company, why would anyone else?

Prompt 05: Theme Song

2011-12-05T07:23:00.000-06:00

If you life was a television show, what would your theme song be?

I barely remember the show. Honestly, I don't think I ever watched it. But the theme song that best describes my 2011 was an easy answer.

Believe it or not from Greatest American Hero.

Try to get THAT earworm out of your head!

Prompt 04: Superpower

2011-12-04T19:07:00.000-06:00

Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound ... we know you've got one. What's your 2011 superpower?

For those of you going what the what ... stop. Think about it for a moment: what have you learned that you can do better than anyone you know this year? What can you do that no one else can? Don't be shy!

As soon as I read this I thought of one word:

RELAX.

Now I don't know if I do this better than anyone I know but I do think I roll with the punches pretty damn well. I am not easily reduced to tears and I don't often find myself unable to sleep at night because the worries of the day are imposing on my ability to relax.

People that know me well are probably thinking RELAXING is something I am awful at and maybe my superpower is lying. I run and bike and hike and workout with a personal trainer 5-6 days a week.

THAT IS NOT RELAXING.

But maybe it is those things that help keep me sane.

Or at the very least: too tired to get all geeked up about unimportant things in life.

I avoid drama, chaos and idiots at all costs and I am certain that those three things feed into my ability to relax. When you don't live a life surrounded by desperate housewives, co-workers, family members, and other street corner drama llamas, it is, I think, much easier to relax.

So if there is one thing that I really think I rocked this year it is my ability to relax. I think I have done it well in past years but in 2011, I hit that shit out of the park.

Prompt 03: Virtues

2011-12-04T18:58:00.000-06:00

What good have you done in 2011? Where do you really shine? What have you done that makes you proud of yourself?

I'm trying to write these prompts as off-the-cuff as I can. I want to post the first thing that comes to mind when I read the prompt.

So when I ask myself what I am most proud of I would love to tell you about the starving children I fed and the time I saved a bunch of baby ducks from a run away train.

But I didn't do those things.

My accomplishments in 2011 that I am most proud of were centered around me.

Before you think "HOW SELFISH!" I want you to think about this:

Most parents, most mothers, most single parents, rarely put themselves ahead of anyone.

Their children, their employer, their extended family and friends, their responsibilities all come before them. That means when all of those things are taken care of there is usually very little energy, or money, or time for them to do things for themselves.

Well in 2011 I managed to put me first a time or two without feeling like anyone or anything around me was being deprived.

And it fucking rocked.

I think the best thing is this:

When I thought "maybe going mountain biking is selfish, I should spend the day with the kids" - MY SON EXPRESSED INTEREST IN MOUNTAIN BIKING.

When I decided I wanted to pursue snowboarding, then downhill skiing" - MY DAUGHTER EXPRESSED INTEREST IN LESSONS.

When I was pouring my weeknights (and some weekends) and every weekday into an employer that I thought I'd be with for years to come - THEY LEFT ME.

So the thing I am most proud of for 2011 is a lesson that my small leaps to do things for myself lead me to awesome experiences with my kids and a solid reminder that letting my work/life balance get out of whack didn't gain me much of anything in the long run.

Sometimes putting me first is necessary.

Sometimes it is beneficial.

And sometimes it is the best example that I can ever give my kids.

Prompt 02: Vices

2011-12-02T19:45:00.000-06:00

Did you slip back into any old habits that you wish you hadn't? Did you gain any new habits that you wish you would have walked away from? Did you discover the evils of Nutella? 'Fess up ... we won't tell.

Hmmm. This one is hard for me because I don't tend to adopt habits that are obviously unhealthy like smoking or excessive drinking. My habits, I think, tend to be on the healthy side. But those are my habits that are more outward facing that I am thinking of. Those are the hobbies and interests that I participate in on a regular basis.

But what habits have I adopted in 2011 (or gone back to) that I would like to leave in 2011? What ones aren't so obvious?

I think the first thing that comes to mind is that I am seeing myself being more and more of a homebody in 2011. I don't think I need to party like a rockstar every weekend but I have spent less and less time going out with friends on the weekends and more and more time with my other interests like running and biking.

I admit that it is hard to go mountain biking all day and go out at night. I'm 41 for crying out loud. I need naps if I'm going to do all that in a day and quite frankly, by the time I am home from mountain biking I am tired.

And hungry.

And dirty.

After I eat and shower there isn't much energy left for going out with friends. So I usually have a quiet night at home.

All of this is fine and good because I very much like my activities. But I also like my friends and they are out at night going to concerts and parties. They are (mostly) not out running and biking. So if I want to see them (which I do) I need to make better efforts to go to where they are. To go to the places that they spend their time. Because I'm 41 for crying out loud. Not 81. I should be able to muster up enough energy for an occasional night on the town.

Prompt 01: One Word

2011-12-02T19:27:00.000-06:00

What is one word to describe your 2011? Why does that word sum up your year?

Unexpected.

I had absolutely no plans to make any big changes in my life in 2011 but sometimes the universe propels you into change. At the start of the year I was feeling like I was finding my groove in my role as a Manager in Application Development. In January 2011 I had about 6 months under my belt and I felt like I had built good relationships with my team members and had a good vision for where I wanted us to go as a team. Fairly early in 2011 it was announced that the company I worked for was being acquired. Initially it was an exciting idea to think about but as days and weeks progressed it became obvious that some significant changes were coming to my department and one of those changes was the elimination of my job.

In mid-July I was laid off but luck was on my side and I found my next opportunity quickly. While it was great to find something new, the entire thing felt a little bittersweet for awhile because you know what? I loved my job.

I loved my team.

I loved my co-workers.

I loved my peers.

I loved the culture of the company.

I loved my boss.

I had no plans to leave that place but unfortunately, that place left me. It felt a little bit like a break-up. The kind you didn't see coming.

But I had a new job and I was exceptionally grateful. When I accepted the new position I was confident that I had made a really great choice. It was a company I wanted to be at. I didn't feel like I had in any way settled. But it was still sad to say good-bye to much loved people and traditions.

Now here I am 6 months into my new job and I love it. 2011 is wrapping up and I love my job more than I could have ever imagined. The people are incredible. The projects are interesting. The opportunities at the organization are exciting. I love the location. Everything about it is better than I expected and I was expecting it to be pretty damn good.

In 2011 I was reminded that not all change has to be on my terms. Unexpected things happen and sometimes they are big. Sometimes things can happen to me that are outside of my control and those can still be GOOD. Even GREAT. Even if they seem like a total kick in the ass at the start.

I really needed something like this to happen to me. Every so often it is good for me to be thrown out of my groove. For things to happen that are drastically outside of my control. It is good for me to have reminders that I can adjust my life plans with very little notice and that it all works out in the end.

A commitment to post. At least this month.

2011-12-02T19:06:00.000-06:00

Wow.

I hope I still remember how to do this bloggy thing.

It's been awhile.

Today I noticed that my friend Erica is participating in resound 2011 and I decided to join her. I have been thinking about putting some effort into being present here on Kazoofus a bit more and this feels like a great opportunity to try getting back into the swing of things.

For anyone that doesn't know, Erica is a long time friend who I originally met through blogging. We now know one another in the pinch me, I'm real way too. Except for we don't actually pinch each other when we see each other live and in person.

Resound 2011 is a daily writing prompt for the month of December. The About page provides a bit more information if you are interested.

So, now that I am officially one day behind on this thing, I better get started. I hope that if you are a blogger you will consider participating in resound 2011 too.

T G Sheppard y'all....

2011-07-14T19:34:00.001-05:00

Physical

2011-07-14T19:24:00.000-05:00

Ear AND eye candy.

Ride Wit Me

2011-07-14T19:20:00.002-05:00

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy...must be the money....

Lose it.

2011-07-14T19:08:00.000-05:00

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity,

To seize everything you ever wanted, one moment

Would you capture it?

Or just let it slip, yo

This should be easy to figure out.

2011-07-09T23:27:00.000-05:00

Bonus just sent me a text saying he'll be here first thing in the morning so we can go biking.

One of us napped tonight while the other did 28 miles on their bike.

Guess which of us is praying for rain?

I owe this place a post.

2011-07-03T10:28:00.001-05:00

I remember when I used to write here multiple times a day. I think I'll be lucky if I write multiple times this YEAR.

Sometimes I feel guilty for neglecting my first slice of the social pie by not writing here more often. Today as I sat and stared at my Google Reader I realized there are just fewer and fewer blog updates going on. I'm not the only one.

I started thinking about why I started this blog in the first place. I started it as a way to remember my Grandpa. As a place to tell his stories and possibly share a few of my own. It was intended for close friends and family but over the years this place took on a life of its own.

I now have internet friends and family around the world. I have laughed and cried to tears with many of you over the years. I have learned so much from each of you and I have learned so much about me.

I look back at what I thought this would be and realize what this actually became, and I think naaaaaaaaaaa...I don't owe this place a post.

I owe it my thanks for introducing me to people, places, lessons and experiences I never would have otherwise had.

Kazoofus isn't just my blog. It is a part of who I am.

And I wonder if I should feel guilty for that? For feeling like Kazoofus is a part of my identity. Kazoofus is not my word. I borrowed it from my Grandpa. HE is the one that made up the word. He is the one who gave it life.

I think (and hope) he would be proud of what I've done with it.

So whether I write here or on Twitter or on Facebook or on Google+ it doesn't matter. The forum doesn't matter. Kazoofus is alive and well.

And I hope all of you are doing well also.

Peace.

Dear Running,

2011-05-22T19:44:00.000-05:00

Three years ago this month I decided to try you out and yesterday I ran my first full marathon.

TWENTY-SIX POINT TWO MILES.

Wow.

I never set out to do a marathon when we first hooked up. I can't believe we have made it this far.

Thank you for bringing the most amazing people into my life and for teaching me so much about myself. I am a better person because of you.

Much love,
KathyHowe

Proust Schmoust.

2011-04-10T23:21:00.001-05:00

I found this via Swirlspice about a thousand years ago. I thought I might as well get this done so you can tell me what this reveals about me.

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
These may sound simplistic but it really comes down to being happy and healthy. That includes having those I care about be happy and healthy as well. A part of being happy includes having enough money to not have to worry about paying bills. I've been in the position where I had to rotate what I paid each month and that is not a position of happiness.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Snakes are at the top of the list. I'd also say being back in that god awful financial position again and being stalked again. I feel like I've come a long ways since the days of uber financial ruins and fear for my own life. I don't want to ever go back to those feelings again.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Deplore? That is a big word. I can't say I deplore much of anything about myself. What's one thing I think I need to work on? Trusting myself when it comes to trusting others. I like to keep people at a distance and that is sometimes a lonely way to live.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lying. This includes lies of omission. This also includes people that lie to themselves. This probably ties loosely to people that lack any accountability for their actions. I deplore that too.

5. Which living person do you most admire?
One single person that I most admire? That's a big question because I admire a lot of people for a lot of reasons. But the person at the top of my list would be my mom.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?
According to Bonus Friend I have a thing for workout clothing. After taking a quick look at my closet I'm going to have to agree.

7. What is your current state of mind?
Happy. Very, very happy.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
I won't say that this one is overrated but it is certainly misused: righteousness. Too many people confuse following/having morals and values with cramming theirs down the throats of others.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
When I just don't want to have a conversation about something with someone. I can't say that I tell a bold face lie in this situation but I have been known to par down my response and change the subject quickly. I usually do this when I suspect disagreement is around the corner. I know that I have the ability to agree to disagree but I also know exactly who in my life can't grasp that fine concept.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I must be the world biggest egomaniac. I can't think of anything that I dislike about my appearance. That doesn't mean I think I am a Barbie, eye candy or a perfect 10. It means I am totally comfortable with how I look.

11. Which living person do you most despise?
I have no energy or time for this emotion. Are there people I dislike? Absolutely. But I move on from them. I don't spend energy despising anyone.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
I like men that can express how they feel - good, bad or otherwise. Men that aren't afraid to share their stories, their fears, their loves and their laughter. Men that can do that without coming off as a self-absorbed know-it-all earn brownie points.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
I'm going to go with common sense. Ladies - some of y'all need to get your head out of the sand.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I know the answer to this only because my son, daughter and Bonus Friend now make fun of me when I say it. "Radar". As in "it's on my radar."

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Beyond the obvious answers of kids and family, I'm going to say fitness. Running and biking have captured my heart.

16. When and where were you happiest?
Is there supposed to be ONE answer for this? I was super happy when I was a child walking down the dirt road in Two Harbors. The road where the birds would sing greetings to my siblings and I. I was also super happy when, again as a child, I would stop at Dairy Queen on my way to skip rocks at Lake Superior. I was happy countless times with friends during my childhood and I have had some unbelievably happy Mental Health Breaks in my dining room with some of the best damn girlfriends I could ever hope to have. I was happy the day that Moose was born. So happy that I actually cried when I saw his first picture. I was oddly happy, in a way that felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders on the weekend that my husband moved out of our house and out of my life. I was happy when I wasn't pregnant anymore because being pregnant did not make me happy. The smell and soft skin of a baby? That made me happy. I was happy on many first dates and I was happy when some break-ups went gracefully enough for friendship to stay in tact. I was happy the day I realized that Bonus Friend was probably going to be my new best friend and I've been really happy in the days/months that followed where I actually experienced what that best friendship really meant to me. I'm happy as hell when I hear and see my kids interact with Bonus Friend. They have so much fun together and so much love for one another it blows my mind every time I see it.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
Math skills would be awesome.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Didn't I answer this already? I'm going with trusting myself when it comes to trusting others.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I'm going to say my career. I have taken some leaps of faith over the years and I think it has all worked out very well for me.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Lance Armstrong.

21. Where would you most like to live?
I see myself living in a lot of different places when I am done in my current zip code. I imagine after the kids move out I'll be in a condo in one of the downtowns. In my retirement years I can see myself somewhere on Lake Superior. Grand Marais seems like a wonderful place to live. I can also see myself leaving the country for work at some point. I can't really say that there is one place I would MOST like to live. I'd like to sample lots of places.

22. What is your most treasured possession?
My heart shaped rock.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being stalked. The fear is impossible to comprehend until you have experienced it.

24. What is your favorite occupation?
The one I have now.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably my sense of humor.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
The diversity in their experiences, beliefs and ideas. They all bring something unique to the table.

27. Who are your favorite writers?
Oriah Mountain Dreamer is a favorite for sure.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
I'm going to say Wonder Woman but only because I wanted her bracelets. "Pew! Pew!"

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Epictetus. His teachings really resonate with me.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
My mom. She is grace under fire. She is the voice of reason and she is no voice at all when things are none of her business. She is loving and supporting and never nosy or intrusive. She has a quick wit, amazing baking skills and the patience of a saint. She knows how to stand her ground when needed and she knows when the battle is not hers. She is soft spoken and polite. She has the emotional strength of a thousand men and the perseverance to see things through. If I am half as brave and wise and funny as her I'll consider myself a wicked success.

Appreciate

2011-04-08T20:45:00.001-05:00

I appreciate sunshine, daisies and beer.

I appreciate new beginnings, happy endings and having the wisdom to handle each with as much grace and good humor as I can muster.

I appreciate good people, good laughs and good times.

I appreciate conversations that can go on forever.

I appreciate kitties that keep mice away and puppies that play, regardless of age.

I appreciate sunrises, sunsets and every second before, during and after.

I appreciate birthdays.

I appreciate friends that have stood by me again and again, held me accountable for my behavior and made me laugh when I wanted to cry.

I appreciate cell phones and alarm clocks, and days when I require neither.

I appreciate the people that invented ice cream, cookies, doughnuts and peanut butter.

I appreciate home cooked meals that are cooked by other people.

I appreciate the smell of cut grass, dry autumn leaves, fresh snow and springtime rain.

I appreciate the sound of frogs at night.

What do you appreciate?

TITLE GOES HERE

2011-04-06T20:31:00.001-05:00

I found this via CursingMama and thought I'd play along. In part because it might be interesting but also it is probably time to blow the dust off of Kazoofus.

{one} what is one food that, as an adult you love, but as a child you said you’d never touch?If by "child" you mean "when you were in your 30's" I'd answer sushi. I never even heard of sushi until I was an adult and it absolutely disgusted me for a long time. I actually really like some sushi now and was just out for sushi about a week ago.

{two} did you go to college? if yes, what was your major?I have kind of a hack degree. It is an Associates in Broadcasting from Brown College. I've never spent one second on the air and I've never worked in radio. I went from college to a gig in advertising to working in technology. Career leaps of faith have taken me more places than that degree ever did.

{three} what’s the most wild animal you’ve seen in real life (not counting the zoo)?A snake. Shut up.

{four} have you ever been to a fortune teller?I've had my palm read a few times. I'd do it again just for shits and giggles but I wouldn't go out of my way to do it.

{five} can you juggle?I juggle kids, career, training (biking, running), family, friends, pets, a social life (sort of) and a home every single day. I wouldn't trust me to keep a couple of flaming torches in the air though.

{six} hardwood floors or carpet?Tile or laminate. Hardwood is awful with jumbo dogs and carpet is nassssssssty.

{seven} is it called “soda” or “pop”?Soda.

{eight} what was your first car?1970 Pontiac Catalina. Best.Car.Ever.

{nine} what is the most decadent dessert you’ve ever eaten?I'm not a food snob. I get excited about a box of donuts from the local bakery. That said, my mom is an AMAZING baker. Everything she makes is awesome.

{ten} how often do you rearrange your furniture?Only when I move or buy new furniture. Neither of which happens very often.

A photo review of 2010

2010-12-31T13:47:00.000-06:00

I didn't make a single resolution for 2010 but somehow I managed to have a most kick-ass year. Here's a quick photo review of how the Howe's spent 2010.

The kids took up BMX bike racing although they never did technically race. They still had fun riding the track though.

My daughter spent more time behind the camera and took some amazing shots throughout the year.

I shot off more than my mouth. In 2010 I shot a gun. Or two, or three, or twelve.

The boy child followed his sisters lead and took a few camera shots as well.

As a family we went snowshoeing for the first time ever. I fell in love with it. The kids decided they prefer downhill skiing and snowboarding.

I finally made it to the Schell's Brewery. The weather was frightful so I'm hoping for a return trip.

I took up road biking. And mountain biking. I completed my first duathlon.

Spa trip. Heaven on earth. Need I say more?

I figured out that there are actually red wines that I like in 2010. This is one of my favorites:

I took the most outstanding vacation of my life with new and old friends.

I ran my second and third half marathons.

I met the crazy-awesome owner of this crazy-awesome dog. My life hasn't been the same since.

Here's wishing us all a new year filled with blessings of laughter and love.

Cheers!

Life after 40 :: An Update

2010-12-28T18:38:00.000-06:00

Here's an update for anyone that is keeping track at home:

Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Climb a rock wall.
Get my motorcycle endorsement.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it.
Do a photo inventory of the house and belongings. Post to Flickr for safekeeping.
~~Go to a store with Personal Shoppers and have them select an outfit that strays from what I would typically wear. Buy said outfit.~~ I didn't do this one EXACTLY but I did it enough to feel good about calling it done. I went shopping for some new boots in the fall with my son, the fashion critic. At his urging I bought some boots for the office that I would (A) not typically wear to the office because (B) I wouldn't typically buy boots like these. But I bought them and I wear them regularly and I LOVE them. See picture at the bottom of this post.
Take an improv class.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once.
Run around the lake by my house (approximately 13 miles).
Take a roadtrip with absolutely no prior planning whatsoever. Pack the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere...
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle.
Leave the country. Even if it is only to cross the border into Canada.
Touch a snake. If I'm feeling really brave I'll actually hold it.
~~Create a list of 40 things that rock my world.~~ Check this out!
~~Meditate more. Hell, at this point meditating at all equals MORE. It has been tooooo long!~~ I'm counting my December 2010 spa trip as meditating. It was relaxing, quiet, relaxing AND quiet. Pure bliss. I'm a better person after trekking north for that little vacation.
Drink something with an umbrella in it. And no. I won't stuff an umbrella into a bottle of beer.

Day 30 -- A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

2010-12-28T05:43:00.001-06:00

Remember this 30 days of truth project? I think it is clear I didn't do this for 30 consecutive days but I think I should get some kudos for getting it done in one calendar year.

*takes bow*

Before I start this letter I should confess that I did NOT read all 30 days of writing prompts prior to deciding to DO this project. If I had, I wouldn't be doing this project.

To be honest, most of the prompts were not very inspiring at all. This last day I find myself thinking EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF? Really? Who wants to read that?

But that's the prompt so I will try to incorporate that into this letter. Somehow.

Dear KathyHowe,

I can't believe I am going to steal a line from a cigarette manufacturer: You've come a long way, baby!

Looking back at where you've been, what you've been through and where you are is like looking at the lives of multiple different people. It doesn't seem possible that who you were has become who you are now.

It's inspiring in some ways to realize that you have even an ounce of sanity left in you considering some of the chaos, bullshit and drama you've been through.

But you do.

In fact you have lots of sanity.

And common sense.

And brains.

And heart.

Living through a life-sucking marriage and divorce is hard.

Fighting to keep your home, where your babies sleep at night, is a stress nobody should go through.

Fearing for your life is an impossible feeling to fathom. Until it happens to you.

But you had those things and you had other things too and while it wasn't always pretty or graceful, you made it through to the otherside.

There are so many things I love about you, KathyHowe, but the thing I probably love the most is your ability to pick yourself up and dust yourself off after the storms of life blow you down.

You wouldn't have gotten as far as you did if you hadn't gotten back up.

Rock on with your bad self, KathyHowe.

Much Love,
KathyHowe

Everything you wanted to know about me. More or less.

2010-11-23T19:46:00.000-06:00

I saw this on Facebook and was inspired to play along. I'm sure I've done this before but I haven't done it recently and that's what matters most.

Right?

1. What time did you get up this morning?
5 bloody effing AM

2. How do you like your steak?
Cooked by someone else. Other than that medium-well is great.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Megamind. Dear God. I need a life.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Currently: Dancing with the Stars.
Favorite TV show ever? Dukes of Hazard.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
New York City

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Honey Nut Cheerios and vanilla yogurt.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Italian

8. What foods do you dislike?
Fish, onions, mushrooms and sauerkraut.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Anywhere but home is great.

10. Favorite dressing?
Can't say I have a favorite. I like 1000 Island and Ranch though.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Dodge Durango

12. What are your least favorite clothes?
The ones that don't fit right.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Colombia to see Juliancho and family.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
FULL! FULL! FULL! What's this half crap? There is air on the top half.

15. Where would you want to retire?
Grand Marais

16. Favorite time of day?
Whatever time I get to go run, bike or snowshoe.

17. Where were you born?
Minneapolis

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Baseball

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
All the dead people.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
The King Tut dog outside my office window.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
See answer to #20

22. Bird watcher?
No. I am a bird eater tho. mmmmm...turkey...

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning person by force, not choice.

24. Do you have any pets?
Two cows and a monkey. Ergh. I mean two dogs and a cat named Monkey.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
If you'd like to outrun me today is your day. I'm wearing the skirt I can barely walk in.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
An adult.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
Just one? Pfft. Everything I did in Two Harbors, Minnesota.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
I go back and forth. I typically like the animal that hasn't puked in my house or dragged in a dead animal the most.

29. Are you in a relationship?
Romantic relationship? No. But I am an active participant in other relationships like Mother/Daughter, Mother/Son, Sister/Brother.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes, except not when I am backing up. I feel like I'm being choked when I back up with a seat belt on.

31. Been in a car accident?
Yes. Multiple. Is this supposed to be interesting?

32. Any pet peeves?
Late people, rude people and late people. That is not an all-inclusive list.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Cheese. Riveting, no?

34. Favorite Flower?
Calla Lily

35. Favorite ice cream?
All of them. How do you pick ONE favorite ice cream!?!?!?

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Probably Jimmy John's or Subway. I'm not big on fast food.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Zero.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
Good lord. I don't know. They come in rapid fire around here. I'm trying to ignore them all right now.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
MAX out my credit card?!?! OMG. The thought of that gives me hives. Next question...

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
No. I haven't penciled that in yet.

41. Like your job?
Very much.

42. Broccoli?
Sure if it is cooked or dipped in something.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Going to Mardi Gras was fun but that was actually a work trip.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
The kiddos.

45. What are you listening to right now?
People talking around me. Hope none of them are trying to talk to me because I'm trying hard to tune them out.

46. What is your favorite color?
Red.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
None. Although there is a Kazoofus tattoo in my future.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
All of you.

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
7:45pm

50. Coffee Drinker?
Yes but only because I'm too afraid of needles to inject it.

40 things that rock my world.

2010-11-19T21:01:00.002-06:00

My friend ~d posted a challenge on Facebook awhile back: post something you are grateful for every day for 40 days. I posted my daily gratitude to Twitter but have also consolidated them here because I am also counting this as my list of 40 things that rock my world for my 40 after 40 list.

I'm grateful for beautiful weather. I walked outside this morning & it was absolutely refreshing! A great way to start the day!
I'm grateful to have kids with open minds, hearts & mouths. I hope they never lose this quality.
I am grateful for bullet points. Anything long or drawn out makes my attention span spike a fever.
I am grateful to have a mechanic that I trust. Knowing you aren't being taken advantage of is a really good feeling.
Bakeries. Soooooo grateful.
I am grateful I'm single for too many reasons to list here.
I'm grateful for Minnesota seasons. This morning the snow is clinging to tree branches as it falls from the sky. So pretty.
I am grateful for all of my former co-workers who have transitioned to become lifelong friends.
I am thankful that I don't have any sleep issues. Waking up rested and ready to hit the day running is a great feeling.
I am grateful for all the people that share the stories of their lives with me. Being trusted is a wonderful thing.
I am grateful for Monkey the Cat. The purrrrrfect cuddle buddy. Pun intended.
I'm grateful for back-up alarms because there seems to be a bug with the one on my iPhone4.
Faith and friendship. I am grateful for Sunday morning rituals.
I am grateful for dry mornings. Anyone that has ever had a potty trained toddler knows what I mean.
I am grateful for Aveda's Blue Oil. Heaven in a bottle.
I am grateful for my career for more reasons than I could ever list here.
I'm grateful for the 17 year old girl who gave a very brave speech to a room full of corporate elders. We all have a story.
I am grateful for early morning text messages that are filled with wishes for a spectacular day.
I'm grateful to be surrounded by friends that fully believe this world is big enough for differing views to peacefully co-exist.
I am grateful for morning brunch dates with girlfriends & quiet nights at home. It has been a great day!
I am grateful for my friend Kris who helped me achieve my best time on a 5k this morning. 27:50!!! Thank you, Kris!!!!!!
I am grateful for 30 minutes of spinning that doubled as 30 minutes of catching up on email. Productivity for the win!!!
I'm grateful for The Boy. 19 years of friendship that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
I'm grateful for my running buddies (new and old) who are all slowly coming together for weekend runs. Let the training begin!
OMG coffee.
I'm grateful for little packages of Quaker Instant Oatmeal. They make breakfast at the office ridiculously easy.
I am grateful for my new bike trainer. It is nice to have as an option when it's too wet to ride outside.
I am grateful for our interesting circle of friends. I bought a chicken for a birthday present today. Never done that before!
I am grateful for Dunn Bros, casual Friday and work days that can start a little slower than usual.
I'm grateful for crushes that brighten up my day.
I'm grateful to have a brunch date on the schedule with @shellycarrpayne & @kerikinnic . Just waiting for one more RSVP @cursingmama !!
I'm grateful for the inflatable walker at my desk. It reminds me that there are good people in this building that I can lean on when needed.
I'm grateful that I have the sense to know that I really don't have anything to complain about.
I am grateful for Bonus Friend. He enhances my life every single day without even trying.
I am grateful for falling leaves, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees and the smell of autumn in the air.
I am grateful that I am mentally & physically healthy as it allows me to do things not everyone else can do.
I'm grateful that my kids are huggers.
I am grateful for the people I work with. Their humor, work ethic and optimism makes coming to work a joy.
I'm grateful that I have always had a safe and comfortable place to sleep at night.
I am grateful that the boy child says such random and unexpected things. He makes me think, laugh and feel on a daily basis.

Days 22 - 29

2010-11-16T19:44:00.001-06:00

I'm just answering a bunch of these in one post. I don't have any answers long enough to warrant separate posts.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Get married.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Stay single. (I don't know).

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I've made this playlist and explained why I did it in real life. Not posting that here. Also? Is it just me or is this meme getting lame?

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Because I just said no to drugs. Thank you, Nancy Reagan.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

No. Never. Not gonna happen. I'll take every day I can get. Even the shitty ones.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Kids, family, friends, work, great health. Can't name just one thing. They all fuel eachother.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Buy a lottery ticket because I have just experienced a miracle and there may be more to follow.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Can't really think of anything.

Day 21-- (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

2010-11-16T19:29:00.000-06:00

UGH.

This question sucks because right now I am REALLY FUCKING MAD at a very close friend.

But the answer is that I'd go see them right away. I wouldn't even think twice about it.

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

2010-11-16T18:20:00.005-06:00

Quick. Random. Thoughts.

I have never understood what would possess someone to even TRY drugs.
That said, I tried pot as a kid. I thought it was smelly and stupid so I didn't do it again.
I have no idea if I inhaled or not.
Alcohol addiction runs in my family. I am grateful that I don't have that addiction.
People WAY smarter than me determined that drugs are bad and should be illegal. I'm gonna trust that they did their homework on this one.
You know people that will drink the most vile concoction ever because it has alcohol and is low in calories? Those are not my people.
Alcohol is meant to be enjoyed.
I enjoy beer.
And some wine.
And the occasional margarita.
Everything in moderation. Except drugs. Those are bad. Stay away from those.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

2010-11-07T16:19:00.000-06:00

I think being passionate about either is a personal choice.

I think not being passionate about either is also an acceptable choice.

I think many wars are started because of both.

I think using either as a way to bully another is going to get you struck by lightening or bullets.

I think both are highly personal.

I think both are incorrectly used by a great deal of people.

From time to time I think about starting The Church of Kazoofus.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

2010-11-07T16:14:00.000-06:00

In love?

Want to get married?

Go for it.

I don't care what race, religion or gender you are from.

Love is love.

Day 17 - A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

2010-11-07T16:13:00.000-06:00

The short answer:

The Art of Living: The Classic Manual on Virtue, Happiness and Effectiveness.

I don't know if I can pinpoint ONE view this book changed but I can tell you that reading this book has changed my life tenfold.

When I first read it many years ago it completely validated some of my views on life and the world around me. It also opened my eyes to some new ways of thinking, reacting, feeling about life.

Since the first time I read it I have considered this book to be my bible. I have given away countless copies to friends and family that I believed would appreciate the messages within the book. Everybody that has read it has been inspired in similar ways.

If you are searching for new ways to dealing with everyday life, I suggest you read the book. I have a hard time believing that anyone would be disappointed.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

2010-11-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight I could live without the memory of my son shouting "vagina" loudly at Kohls.

Nothing else is really coming to mind at the moment.

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

2010-11-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

Easy answer: my yellow blanket.

I've had it since I was a child and I still sleep with it to this day.

I've tried not sleeping with it and realized that is just not an idea that ever goes well.

I'd suggest that you bury me with it when I die or risk me being some weird restless spirit that can't cross-over until I find my blanket.

Day 14 - A hero that has let you down.

2010-11-02T21:57:00.002-05:00

Dear Wonder Woman,

What the shit!?!?! Where have you been the last 30 years!?!?!?

Concerned,
KathyHowe

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.

2010-11-02T21:50:00.003-05:00

Dear Godsmack & Limp Bizkit,

Thank you for songs like Whatever and Break Stuff. Perfect songs for angry and frustrated days.

Dear Etta James,

Thank you for At Last which made cry like crazy the first time I heard it.

Dear Josh Groban,

Thank you for every single song on your self titled CD for getting me through the worst time of my life, but especially for Alla Luce Del Sole which takes my breath away every time I hear it. Also? Thank you for your Twitter updates which almost always make me smile.

Dear Glen Campbell,

Thank you for Rhinestone Cowboy. The first song I ever learned all the words to.

Dear Michael Buble,

Thank you for singing Save the Last Dance For Me. I have very much enjoyed playing it loudly and dancing with my kids in the living room.

Dear Chuck Berry,

Thank you for My Ding-A-Ling for obvious reasons.

Dear Mariah Carey,

Thank you for your version of All I Want for Christmas. It is the only Christmas song I like. For real.

Dear Christina Aguilera,

Thank you for Soar. A beautiful sound with equally beautiful lyrics.

"What are you waiting for? Spread your wings and soar."

Much love to all,
KathyHowe

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.

2010-11-01T18:57:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I can name JUST ONE THING for this question. This is going to have to be a list.

My math skills.
Cooking. (shaddup)
My ability to parallel park a tractor.
What I smell like after a half marathon.
Wicked good dance moves. (Touch the floor!)
My ability to shut up and listen after 4 shots of tequila.
My ability to stay on topic after 5 shots of tequila.
Lawn mower maintenance expertise.
Vast knowledge of the week night television schedule.
Debate skills.

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

2010-11-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

Physically: my eyes.

Emotionally: my sense of humor and upbeat attitude.

Next question...

If I could turn back time.

2010-10-30T11:15:00.000-05:00

(Battleship Cher reference. You're welcome.)

I've been trying to pay attention to some life lessons lately and thought what the hell. I might as well share some of this stuff here. These are things that I've tuned into or become more aware of lately and HEY! If they resonate with you, BONUS!

In no particular order I bring you...

Things I wish I knew 10 years ago:

Stop trying to put people into categories. Friends are friends. Some are closer than others but there really is no need to knight them with titles or rankings.
All relationships change over time. Some improve with age, others just age, and a few fall apart at the seams. Make peace with that.
Go with the flow. Some people come into our lives and we think they are there for X only to find out they are there for Y. Be open to anything because you just never know.
Be friendly to all. And by that I mean BE FRIENDLY TO ALL. There is a difference between being a wallflower, tolerating and BEING FRIENDLY. Be friendly.
Don't get sucked into other peoples drama and chaos. It's an energy suck even if it isn't your drama and chaos.
Try new things because holy hannah, you just never know what you might try and LIKE.
Don't be a freak about keeping the dogs nose prints off of the glass on the French doors. The second you look away the dog will put it back. I swear it's how they mark their territory indoors.
Learning to let people close can be as hard as learning to let people go. Try to know when you should be doing each of those things. Neither is easy but both are important.
Buy the dogs Nylabones, not rawhides. They last a lot longer.
Tie your laces on your running shoes in double knots. I don't care if you have the laces that aren't supposed to come untied. Double knots. Always.

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

2010-10-30T06:28:00.001-05:00

I cannot think of one single person that I think I need to let go of.

I can think of a lot of people I wish I never MET but they are already out of my life so the letting go thing is done.

One of my strengths is probably my ability to move away from people that do not fit well in the KathyHowe tribe. It isn't a malicious act of separation but rather a slow, conscientious shift in how and when I communicate with someone. These moves rarely happen quickly and aren't often done in a fit of rage or frustration.

It is usually a gradual realization that I have outgrown someone. Which sounds arrogant but it isn't meant to be that way. People grow and change throughout their lives and sometimes we grow and change in different ways.

It doesn't make anyone better than anyone else. There is no right or wrong way to live. It is simply different views, opinions and sometimes lifestyles that make me realize it is time to let go and move forward.

Day 09 - Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

2010-10-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

This one is so easy it is ridiculous.

Someone I didn't want to let go of - The Date.

Go search my archives and you'll find a lot of information about this person. For a long time I really believed we had something that could really work out long term.

I'm not obsessed with him. I don't lie awake at night thinking about him. I haven't completely lost contact with him either. But we have most definitely drifted.

I think if circumstances were different, we'd probably spend a ton of time together but circumstances are what they are. I understand that.

We're still friends. We still talk fairly regularly and from time to time we meet up for lunch and you know what? I'm really OK with that because a little bit of time with The Date is better than no time at all.

Day 08 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

2010-10-29T19:23:00.000-05:00

I know this might seem like a total cop out but I refuse to answer this question.

There are definitely people that I could list here and I am sure that if I got creative I could list them in a way that it wouldn't be totally obvious who specifically I am referring to.

But guess what? This is my blog.

This is MY space and I have had a long standing rule that I will not pollute this space with negative attacks on other people. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by doing that.

The people that I could list here are not worth getting the spotlight here or anywhere else in my opinion.

So this question will not be answered.

Carry on...

Day 07 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.

2010-10-29T18:53:00.000-05:00

Before I answer this I want to say that I kinda hate this question.

My first reaction to reading it was that I should add some sort of disclaimer that clearly states that I have never been suicidal in my life. For some reason the wording of the question makes me feel like I should name someone who talked me in off the ledge.

And that has never LITERALLY happened.

But there is someone who has talked me in off the proverbial ledge.

There is someone that has been there for me during my most shitastic moments in life.

There is someone who has made me laugh tears when I wanted to punch someone or crawl into a hole.

There is someone who has made me so frustrated I have thought I would never speak to them again.

There is someone who I tried to get rid of on more than one occasion because...well...because I must be stupid or insane or a little of both.

There is someone that refused to go away.

There is someone I don't think I could live without.

The reality is there are a lot of people I could list here for a whole lot of reasons but the someone that has made my life worth living is The Boy.

What I'm changing

2010-10-29T18:28:00.003-05:00

This morning while I was spinning on my bike I started thinking about my post on what I'm tolerating. While there are definitely things I have been tolerating lately, there are also things I have been changing.

And change, you know, is good.

Not all of these changes were big decisions that I made intentionally. Some of them just sort of happened. Here's a random list of some of the things I am changing:

I drive the kids to school every chance I get. Sure it means I get to the office a little later but the extra 30 minutes in the car with them each day is so great.
I make an effort to keep my weekly evening conference calls scheduled to one night per week. I can give up one night to work from home but having to give up an hour here or there multiple times a week makes my work/life balance feel way unbalanced.
I'm trying new foods. I tried onion rings and fried mushrooms a few months ago. Seems trivial but both really gross me out just by appearance alone. I tried them both and they weren't bad. I don't think I would ever order them for myself but if they were offered I'd probably partake.
I also tried red wine. And liked it. I've never been a big wine drinker and every red wine I have ever had in the past was AWFUL. OMG. Horrendous beverage. Couldn't figure out how people drank it. Tried a good wine and guess what? It wasn't awful, in fact it was kind of good!
I'm slowly but surely getting rid of crap I don't want, need, use anymore. I know I mentioned clutter and chaos and crap in my tolerating post but it's only because I haven't finished this purging mission I've been on lately.
I'm working on being a better hugger. This could/should be a post in and of itself.
I'm becoming more flexible/spontaneous.
I'm blogging more.

Are you changing anything?

What I tolerate.

2010-10-28T22:41:00.000-05:00

I saw this in my RSS feed this morning and was intrigued by the action Scott was inspired to take when he made a list of 20 things he is tolerating in his life. In the hopes of being inspired and motivated in a similar fashion, I now present 20 things I am tolerating in my life.

Unfiled papers at home.
A growing pile of paperwork at work.
Unanswered emails - personal and at the office.
There are exactly 4 friends that come to mind that I haven't seen in months. Too many months.
An increasingly annoying feeling that I am behind with everything.
Attic clutter. OMG, the attic clutter.
Shoes, bags, jackets, clothing and accessories that I don't wear anymore but for whatever reason haven't parted with.
My stalled Life After 40 list.
No game plan for Christmas presents.
An inconsistent workout schedule.
Lack of a trainer to get me going in the right direction.
Not getting to the pool.
I've needed a chiropractor visit for 2 months.
Massages. I need more massages.
Stalled home remodeling projects.
Garage chaos.
A truck that needs to be detailed. Badly.
Patio furniture that isn't put away.
The absence of French Vanilla Creamer at the office. (Oh, the HORROR.)
Books that we don't need or read anymore.

What are you tolerating?

Day 06 - Something you hope you never have to do.

2010-10-28T22:18:00.000-05:00

Jeepers. That's a heavy one. My first response to this question is a morbid one:

I hope I never have to mourn a child, sibling or best friend.

See? I told you it was morbid.

Other things that I hope I never have to do:

Rebuild my home after a fire or natural disaster.
Give up running and biking.
Witness a fatal accident.
Pull a child's loose tooth. (OMG. So gross.)
Go to Walmart.
Have my attorney send a letter to anyone about anything.
See my stalkers.
Touch a snake. (Yes. I realize this is on my list. I'm so conflicted. Ick. I hate snakes.)

What's something you hope you never have to do?

Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.

2010-10-28T22:01:00.000-05:00

Fall, and stay, in love.

Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

2010-10-28T05:57:00.001-05:00

There is a short answer to this question.

Something I need to forgive something for?

NOTHING.
Which doesn't mean I am overflowing with forgiveness. It means people that repeatedly wrong me are people I move away from both physically and emotionally.

I am not a believer in forgiveness. Oh sure, make a mistake, I'll forgive you. Make 20 mistakes, I'll probably forgive all of those too. But when someone causes pain to another person they start teetering on the edge of unforgivable.

I have people in my life, family members, who have over a series of years and through a variety of events somehow caused me pain. I do not spend my days thinking about these people and how their actions have impacted my life. Do I forgive them? No. They do not deserve to be pardoned for their offenses. But what I have done is move on.

I don't dwell on negative crap from the past.
I also don't leave the door open for these people to continue to mistreat me.

I move on.

And that, to me, is different from forgiving.

I've touched on the subject of forgiveness in the paste. A few of those thoughts are reposted here:

From 100 things about me seems way too ambitious:

"I do not believe in forgiving people that have wronged us. I’m not saying that I’ve never forgiven anybody...I have and I do believe that when possible, you should forgive people. But some are not worthy of our forgiveness. Some should not receive a second chance. To pardon some for their actions is like giving them the green light to wrong you again. I don’t think that it is necessary to exonerate someone for actions that you don’t approve of. I am capable of moving forward with my life and still thinking someone is a pile of shit. I can forget without forgiving."

From Kathy Howe's 8 Simple Rules for Life:
"Learn to move on. You can forgive or you can forget but one way or another learn how to get over the bad shit that has happened in your world. Ruts are for tires."

Next...

Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

2010-10-27T18:48:00.000-05:00

This one is kind of a doozy. I don't know how much I really want to say on the subject so I think I'll keep it brief.

I want to forgive myself for not trusting my intuition one day in the summer of 2001.

That tiny voice inside your heart and head doesn't always make sense, friends. It didn't make any sense to me that day and I will probably be forever haunted by the events that followed.

On the upside, I learned a shit-ton about trusting my intuition as a result. But I'd give up that lesson in a heartbeat if I could go back in time and make different choices on that one summer day.

Day 02 - Something you love about yourself.

2010-10-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

Before I write this post I should add a little comment about my Day 1 post:

I do not spend time hating things about myself.

I really don't.

I'm fully aware of my strengths and my weaknesses and I try to be mindful of ways to be a better person, but I truly do not walk the earth loathing any part of myself. Inside or out.

But I suppose that is why Day's 1 and 2 were drafted in the order in which they were. Get the hating crap out and be done with it then focus on something you love about yourself. And wa-lah! Here we are at Day 2.

So without any further delay I now bring you Something I Love About Myself:

I cannot tell a lie.

I'm a terrible liar.

And I think that is certainly something I love about myself but that is not what I want to list here as the thing that I love about myself. Because here is the truth:

I love a lot of things about myself.

I know it probably sounds arrogant but I cannot pick just one thing that I love about myself. That would be like trying to decide if I like peanut butter or jelly better. I can't do that. They compliment each other. How can I choose JUST ONE?

So the thing I love about myself is the fact that I love a lot of things about myself.

Inside and out.

It's a really kickin' long list.

And I love that.

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.

2010-10-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try to be original with this one but I have to tell you very honestly that I could steal Jenn's post on this topic word for word and it would accurately reflect something that I hate about myself. But I'm not going to do that because I'm not the stealing type.

But you should still read Jenn's response to this particular truth and soak up the knowledge that Jenn and I share this annoying-as-shit personality trait. You will hopefully take comfort in knowing that I try very hard not to do this because it is truly unhealthy for a list of reasons. The problem is that sometimes I don't know I'm doing it. If you catch me trying to push you or anyone else away, feel empowered enough to tell me to knock it the hell off.

Anyhoo. That is not this post. This is something I hate about myself that Jenn hasn't already talked about. Here it goes...

For several years I have been a little frustrated by what I have described as my lack of trust in other people. This is probably somewhat affiliated with what Jenn wrote about - building walls to keep people out. Here's the thing. I've been thinking (and saying) that I really don't trust other people but here's the reality:

I don't trust me.

I have made some really stupid choices in life. No worse than anyone else I suppose but when you make a choice and suffer consequences for it, it feels bigger than big. And after making one or two or eleventy-hundred bad choices in life of varying sizes and shapes, you start to wonder if your brain is on permanent vacation.

I know I have really good instincts. I know this because when I don't follow my gut and it bites me in the kazoofus, I'm like "WHOA! KathyHowe! DUDE! You KNEW better!"

But after ignoring that little voice inside my head and suffering the consequences, I have come to a place where I'd rather keep everyone as far away as possible to avoid the risk of making a bad choice. And I'm trying not to do that anymore.

This is a hugely rambling post isn't it?

I didn't put together an outline before writing this and I have no intention of proofreading it before I hit "publish". The point of this isn't to arrive at some amazing A-HA! The point is to acknowledge the truth. And I've done that with this post.

I don't always trust myself. And I hate that.

Next...

30 days of truth

2010-10-22T18:29:00.000-05:00

I'm kicking around the idea of participating in a project that I first saw over at Jenn's place. It's called 30 days of truth and the goal is to respond to the daily prompts listed below.

I've been on the fence about doing this writing project since I first saw it about two weeks ago. But now I am thinking that being on the fence about anything is stupid. Get off the dogdamn fence. Nothing gets done sitting on a fence.

So starting soon (maybe today if the mood strikes) I'll be starting this project. Wish me luck. I don't think this will be an easy one.

Here they are:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

A 100 word life update.

2010-10-02T19:33:00.001-05:00

Officially 40 years old. Will take every birthday I can get. Happy.

Want to try more new things. Want to get better at the things I already do. Outgoing.

Always hope for the best. Always do my best. Optimistic.

Tommy Boy makes me laugh. Practical Magic makes me cry. Kazoofus is my favorite word. It used to be "sassy".

I think I am the luckiest person I know. I adore my friends and family. Thinking about a trip to Vegas. I recently thought my life could not be any better. Then I met Bonus Friend. Life is surprisingly better.

So lucky.

Dear Sissy & Boo Bear,

2010-09-27T20:14:00.001-05:00

Well dang.

I sure have gotten behind schedule on writing your annual back-to-school letters to you.

This year I feel a bit like my engine has stalled with this letter writing campaign. You see it is hard to write letters of wishes for your children when every single day your children stun you with their intelligence, grace, humor and love of life.

You two have brought me more joy, laughter and knowledge over the years than I can even begin to recount. Oh sure, we've had our fights and frustrations, like that one time you did that one thing and that other time when you did that other thing.

It is amazing how quickly those hard moments become distant memories.

Your school years have brought each of us our own set of joy, sadness and chaos. I suspect that will continue over the years. And even though I know I graduated in 1989 (WHEW! I made it) I am shocked at how much I continue to be involved with homework, teachers, gossip and all the trimmings that come with actually BEING the student.

This year I'm changing up this game a teeny tiny bit. In the past I have always expressed my wishes for you in the your school environment but this year my letter has everything to do with the two of you.

Nobody else.

Just you.

You see, there is a reason why this letter hasn't branched out into two letters yet. My message for the two of you this year is one message:

Love your sibling.
Laugh with your sibling.
Be patient with your sibling.
Forgive your sibling.

Very few things in our lives are constant. Very few people are in our lives from birth to death. Siblings are those people that are almost always there.

When I am old and gray and crazy and driving you crazy, you will NEED each other to get through those moments.

When you need a family member to confide in because your best friend in the world betrayed you, your sibling is a great go-to person.

When you get a promotion, whether you are 16 or 65, your sibling will be there to celebrate with you.

Siblings can really help lighten the loads we carry in our lives. I speak from experience when I tell you that some of my GREATEST JOY comes from my siblings. Siblings know why you do the things they do. They share your story. They were part of your past, are here in your now and will be there in your future.

Siblings are constant.

Oh sure. You'll drive each other MAD.

You'll throw pool table balls at one another.

You'll say horrible rotten things to each other.

But you'll also laugh together.

Mourn together.

Celebrate together.

Plan together.

Accomplish life together.

So there it is, kids. My 2010 letter to you. It seems simple but really, it's not. Our most complicated relationships are sometimes with our family members. But sibling relationships can also be the most rewarding.

Love each other. Be patient with each other. Laugh together. Forgive each other.

Easy peasy, right???? :)

Love you mucho,
Mama

Tradition

2010-09-14T20:48:00.001-05:00

I don't tend to be very tied to traditions and rituals but over the past several years I have been writing letters to the kids at the start of the school year. I was just thinking about how I haven't done that this year and while I'm not entirely sure I have anything new to say to them, I like the tradition. So I'm going to work on writing this years letters this week.

For those of you that like to look back at the archives, below are links to last years letters. Included in one of these is links to all previous years.

Happy reading.

Dear Sissy Bear.

Dear Boo Bear.

For Lynn

2010-09-13T19:21:00.000-05:00

Miss you, angel.

Life after 40

2010-09-07T21:27:00.001-05:00

It has been decided that the remaining items on my 40 before 40 list will remain open items for me to accomplish. Even the ones I decided I don't much give a rip about will remain open and will continue to be worked towards completion.

Here is the official Life after 40 list:

Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Climb a rock wall.
Get my motorcycle endorsement.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it.
Do a photo inventory of the house and belongings. Post to Flickr for safekeeping.
Go to a store with Personal Shoppers and have them select an outfit that strays from what I would typically wear. Buy said outfit.
Take an improv class.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once.
Run around the lake by my house (approximately 13 miles).
Take a roadtrip with absolutely no prior planning whatsoever. Pack the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere...
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle.
Leave the country. Even if it is only to cross the border into Canada.
Touch a snake. If I'm feeling really brave I'll actually hold it.
Create a list of 40 things that rock my world.
Meditate more. Hell, at this point meditating at all equals MORE. It has been tooooo long!
Drink something with an umbrella in it. And no. I won't stuff an umbrella into a bottle of beer.

There is only one thing that I am dropping from the list and that is the planning of a 40th birthday party. I had thought about coordinating something for September but over the past few months something occurred to me:

I friggen HATE planning parties.

So instead I will find little ways to celebrate my 40th year with the people that are close to me. I don't need to get y'all in the same room to make it a party yaknow.

The final update

2010-08-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

So this is it. The final update to my 40 before 40 list. I have learned a lot about making lists with this little experience. Maybe I'll share some of those learnings in another post. I also learned a bit about myself in this process. Maybe I'll share that later too. But first, the final batch of updates to the list.

Thanks to everyone that helped me make many of these things happen!!

~~Visit Schells Brewery in New Ulm, Minnesota.~~ March 20 with The Boy!!
Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Climb a rock wall. I didn't climb a rock wall but I am going to Colorado for a week of hiking and biking in the mountains. That surely counts for something.
~~Take a picture inside a men's restroom to prove that I was inside a mens restroom.~~ Thank you, Canterbury.
~~Run 40 miles in one calendar month.~~ Completed in June!
Get my motorcycle endorsement. After years of talking about doing this I have decided this clearly is not important to me. Besides, being a passenger does not suck.
~~Do sit-ups every day for 40 days because it is easier, cheaper and less painful than a tummy tuck. Although probably not as effective.~~ Did 3905 sit-ups in 37 days. On day 38 I came down with the plague and was sick for a week. I'm OK with 37 of 40 days as an accomplishment but the results were shit. Damn you, abs of goo!!
~~Celebrate one year anniversary with AC.~~ This was impossible to accomplish since we split up after dating for about 7 months. I still celebrate my friendship with him though. That has been going strong for about 8 years.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it. This is a project that is in the works. I'll wrap it up when the temps drop.
~~Check my mail or take out the trash after dark, without a big dog or mace and without being scared out of my mind while doing it.~~ Did it during Spring Break when the kids were gone with my sister for the week. Don't think I'll do it again.
Do a photo inventory of the house and belongings. Post to Flickr for safekeeping. I should assign this to the Girl Child while she's still on summer break.
~~Watch a classic movie. You know, something that doesn't have Sandra Bullock in it.~~ ARTHUR! Watched it with The Boy in May and YES! It counts as a classic! The box even said so!
~~Get all my CD's on my computer.~~ Completed: December 30, 2009
Plan myself a super duper crazy awesome 40th birthday party. Yeah. Shit. Didn't get this figured out.
Go to a store with Personal Shoppers and have them select an outfit that strays from what I would typically wear. Buy said outfit. I still have some shopping to do.
Take an improv class. As fun as this would be I've decided it ranks with motorcycle class. Not a priority.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once. Thought about it several times. Never did it.
Read some of the books sitting on my nightstand. I did this! I did this! Although the books aren't sitting near me at the moment so I can't tell you what they were.
Run around the lake by my house (approximately 13 miles). This is still on the list. I found a local running buddy that is going to do this one with me after I get back from Colorado.
~~Write something that I am really really proud of.~~ OK, I know this sounds like I might be cheating but after a lot of thought I have decided this list is something I wrote that I am really proud of.
~~Bet on a horse.~~ Lost, lost, lost, won, lost, won, lost, lost.
~~Kiss in the rain. AC willing.~~ Since the relationship ended during a snowy season not a rainy one this was really not going to happen. It's OK though. I still have plenty of other very fond memories with him.
Take a roadtrip with absolutely no prior planning whatsoever. Pack the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere... I'll do this eventually. Being spontaneous isn't easy when you are booked four months out.
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle. I will do this eventually. I just need to have a weekend with nothing going on to make it happen.
~~Do something completely spontaneous and fun with the kids. Brownie points if it is something we have never done before.~~ Walked across frozen lake - dogs and kids. Jan 3, 2010. Bid on (AND WON!) a two-night stay (FOR SIX!) in a townhouse on Lake Superior.
~~Take a fitness class. Kettlebells, perhaps?~~ Took a Kettlebell class with Denise!! Also took several Spin Classes WHICH I LOVED!
~~Shoot a gun.~~ April 3 with my former roommate Paul. AKA Satan, the roommate from Hell.
~~Get rid of shoes, clothes, accessories and purses that I don't actually use/wear anymore.~~ Goddamn this was hard.
Leave the country. Even if it is only to cross the border into Canada. I went to Missouri AND Iowa. Does that count?
~~Go to a play at a local theater.~~ Saw Panache at Theater in the Round in Minneapolis on January 24th with The Boy and other friends. Photo!
~~Meet someone in person that I originally met online.~~ Done! Met a really cool guy in person in the spring that I had originally met online.
~~Attend a murder mystery dinner.~~ FUN! FUN! FUN! Did this with Brian in April. Will do this again. It was a BLAST!
Touch a snake. If I'm feeling really brave I'll actually hold it. I've decided this is probably never going to happen. I had a great opportunity to do this at the zoo recently but absolutely could not bring myself to do it. I tried. And I'm cool with that.
~~Follow one piece of financial advice that I have never followed before.~~ Checked my credit score and reviewed my credit report for accuracy!! Jan 2010
~~Watch a bat show in my backyard without my tennis racket.~~ DONE! FREAKY! NEVER AGAIN!
Create a list of 40 things that rock my world.
Meditate more. Hell, at this point meditating at all equals MORE. It has been tooooo long! My gawd I suck at this.
~~Go through photos from my childhood with my kids. Share with them some of the stories of my youth.~~ I have one night left to do this. By god it's getting done.
Drink something with an umbrella in it. And no. I won't stuff an umbrella into a bottle of beer. Apparently they do not make drinks with umbrellas in Minnesota. Believe me, I tried.
~~Learn something new.~~ I learned training for a triathlon, half marathon and duathlon at the same time is freaking HARD. I learned that I LOVE LOVE LOVE road biking.

The original list.

I should write

2010-06-26T21:45:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking I am overdue for a post here on this old interdubdubdub but for the life of me I can't think of anything interesting to write about.

Technology has finally caught up with my A.D.D. and created something called Twitter where I don't have to read or write more than a 140 characters at a time. I know some people think I'm a chatterbox (yes, you) but really I prefer things in bullet points.

Short.
Sweet.
To the point.

But since I am charged with this little slice of the internet I'll give writing more than 140 characters a whirl. Here goes...

I have another half marathon coming up soon and I am VERY excited that I will get to run it with my long-time friend, Jenorama. I think everyone that is interested in running a half marathon should definitely do it. What an awesome accomplishment it is! If any of you want to run a half marathon just let me know and maybe I'll run it with you!

It recently came to my attention that I owe God an apology. When I was like 18 years old I SWORE TO GOD I would never set foot in the state of Iowa again. So sorry, God. I lied. I was there a couple years ago and I have another trip on the radar. And as much as I hate to admit it the town I'll be visiting has a rather kick-ass mall if memory serves. So not only am I GOING to Iowa again...I'm looking forward to it. Sorry, God. Never say never. Lesson learned.

Amen.

My 40 before 40 list is stuck at halfway done. I have momentarily lost my mojo to work on it although I am on track to run 40 miles in the month of June. That will knock one more thing off the list. I've got no good excuse for not doing some of them - like go through a photo album from my childhood with my kids. Others I need help with. Like organizing the attic. I'm close to done on that but now I have a shit-ton of stuff that I want to get OUT of the attic but I can't get it out all by myself. So I'm going to have to recruit some help for that one.

More than anything I need to get busy with planning my party if I'm actually going to have a damn party. It's getting closer (August) and I have done NOTHING to plan for it other than think about what I want my party to be like. I need to get moving on that one.

I have a new crush and like some of my previous crushes, this one is probably a bad idea for reasons I won't list here. But damn. He's a cutie and every time I see him I have to watch myself because I have this overwhelming urge to call him "doll" and get touchy feely with him. Not in a groping him or undressing him way. More like every time I see him I think "Oh hell yes, I'm a hugger!" And I'm really probably not.

But seriously...what a doll.

Well that's about all I have time to spit out tonight. It has only taken me about 45 minutes to write this and I really need to get to bed.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Grocery shopping, housekeeping, burning toast...

2010-06-25T18:29:00.002-05:00

There's at least 50 other things I could be doing but I'm screwing around on Twitter instead.

Feel free to stop by to say hello.

Someday

2010-06-19T10:19:00.002-05:00

You just can't go wrong with Rob Thomas.

Now playing.

2010-06-13T13:42:00.001-05:00

Better than I imagined.

2010-06-13T11:31:00.000-05:00

I knew this weekend was going to be great but it has been even better than I expected. Here's a quick recap of the events:

The weekend started at a small house party at a friends house. I met some new people and got to reconnect with a friend that I haven't seen or talked to much in the last month or so. The night was more fun than I expected it to be!

I had a lazy Saturday morning to myself. The quiet was interrupted when a mouse made an appearance as detailed in my previous post. The good news is the mouse is gone. This little event was not a part of my plans for the weekend.

Saturday afternoon The Boy and I met up with some of my friends for an early dinner at the Mall of America. Jen and Dash were in town for a Twins game so after dinner some of us made our way to the stadium to catch the game with them. The Twins lost but it was still a great time. I'm very sure you cannot be in the company of The Boy, Jen, Dereck, Keri and HBB and NOT have a good time.

As an added bonus I ended up seeing my brother at the Twin's game. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Today is going to be a day of chores. There is a lot of laundry to get done around here and my living room is still torn apart from yesterdays mouse hunting adventure. I'm hoping to get in a long run later today so I better get busy with the chores.

How has your weekend been?

Just like a Dr. Suess story - there was a mouse in my house.

2010-06-13T10:12:00.003-05:00

Saturday was a lazy start to the day but my heart was jump started when I hung up the phone, turned my head and saw a mouse about 2 feet away from me.

As luck would have it the mouse was just one foot away from a sleeping Monkey the cat. I grabbed the cat, tossed him in the general direction of the mouse and I quickly ran to the top of the recliner.

Recliners are not stable, kids. I do not suggest standing atop a recliner.

Monkey the cat was a little unclear on why I might be waking him from a perfectly good cat nap. He yawned, stretched, rolled his eyes at me and promptly left the room. Monkey the cat doesn't take direction well so when I shouted "HEY! Find the mouse!" it fell on deaf ears.

I crawled down from the top of the recliner grumbling at Monkey the cat the entire time. I grabbed a long handled broom from the kitchen, bent way down to see if I could see the mouse under anything and of course I was greeted with two tiny beady eyes looking back at me from under the couch.

I started pulling things out from around the couch in an attempt to stir the mouse out from underneath. Just when I thought I had lost contact with the mouse he scooted out from behind the couch and ran directly alongside a wall into the seemingly waiting paws of Monkey the cat who had decided to rejoin the party.

The cat and mouse played cat and mouse around the bottom of the curtains. After watching this fruitless game for a few minutes I decided to lean across the desk to lift the curtains up from the floor to help Monkey out. Turns out mice can CLIMB FRIGGEN CURTAINS and exactly 2 inches from where I grabbed the curtain the mouse jumped out landing on the desk directly next to me.

I slammed down the laptop lid while simultaneously dropping the curtain and crawling under the desk.

Multitasking is my specialty.

I grabbed the cat from under the desk and tossed him up on top so he was effectively nose to nose with the mouse.

Monkey looked at the mouse, turned around to face me, SAT ON HIS ASS and shook his tail.

The nerve of Monkey the cat is astounding sometimes. The mouse could have attacked him from behind. That twitching kitty tail wasn't even INCHES from the mouses nose. Did Monkey care? Not in the least.

Ballsy, Monkey. Very ballsy.

The mouse eventually jumped behind the desk and where he landed nobody knows. There was a pile of curtains on the window ledge so I imagined he was tangled up in there someplace. Monkey cooly climbed off the desk, walked to the back door and meowed to go outside.

I don't think so, Monkey.

I looked around a bit, long handled broom in hand, but had no luck in locating the mouse again. After several minutes of searching I decided that I had to take a shower and get ready for a late lunch with friends. Monkey and the mouse would have to sort this out without me.

After my shower I decided to come downstairs to see if there had been any progress. As I hit the first step and looked down, I saw that at the bottom of the stairs Monkey was very busy playing with a four-legged, beady-eyed toy.

PLAY-ING.

Outlaw the dog was faithfully at my side and Moose? No clue where Moose was in all this. I watched the cat for a few minutes, encouraged him to take a bite once or twice and eventually I sat on the top step and waited for some progress. Not a lot was going on so I decided to scoot down a few more stairs and that is when the mouse darted out from under Monkey the cat towards the other room. Monkey didn't even flinch.

"GET IT!" I shouted.

Monkey laid down.

I came down a few more stairs and saw that the mouse was wide-eyed and stuck directly between Monkey and Moose. I was pretty sure that if Moose decided to give chase I was going to have to have sheet rock repaired. The idea of a 80 pound dog chasing a mouse gave me visions of Tom & Jerry-like destruction.

The mouse decided that running directly UNDER the cat was his best plan and I think after watching Monkey I would have to agree. Monkey stood up, looked under his belly at the mouse, took a couple steps backwards and sat down again. Moose walked over to them both and with one paw "TWAP" right on top of the mouse's head.

It was immediately clear that while the mouse was still very much alive, he wasn't moving anywhere on his own anymore.

I ran down the rest of the stairs into the kitchen and grabbed the dustpan and a broom. By the time I returned Monkey was very interested in playing with the mouse again. I shooed him away swept up the mouse in the dustpan keeping my arm extended as far forward as possible. I eased open the front door and put one foot over the threshold when the mouse JUMPED AT MY FACE.

I jumped back, screamed loudly threw everything and screamed again for good measure. I should mention that I was doing all of this IN A TOWEL because I was fresh from the shower remember.

I re-adjusted the towel, took a deep breath, gave Monkey the cat a couple of dirty looks, grabbed my tools and scooped up the mouse again.

Mouse in dustpan, one arm extended, one hand on the towel I managed to open the front door for a second time WITH MY FOOT. I got to the garbage can and tried to figure out how I was going to lift the lid on the can, keep my towel up and not bring my extended mouse holding arm any closer to my person than necessary.

Turns out I have AMAZING elbow strength.

The mouse went into the garbage can and I went back into the house, tossed the cat outside and took another shower.

While all of this was going on I was able to live-Tweet a bit of the action. I also caught up with my friend BusyMom and decided she wins the Critter War Stories because everyone knows that snake trumps mouse all day long.

LOVE this.

2010-06-11T19:46:00.000-05:00

Keith Urban

More CMT Music

More CMT Music Videos

On love and running.

2010-06-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

I often find myself fumbling for words whenever I want to write about running. For starters it is hard to describe what running does for me. Second, I get sick of feeling like I am about to write a great American love story every time I write about running.

When I write about running I often find myself wondering why no human on this earth has ever fulfilled me the way running does. It is bittersweet really, to know that outside of the usual suspects (kids, parents, siblings, close friends) I have never had a person in my life that makes me feel the way running does.

When I don't run, I miss it like crazy.

When I'm done with a run I feel energized, stress-free and optimistic about the day ahead of me.

When I'm out on a run I feel as though I am being challenged to be a better person.

Why is it so hard to find people that make me feel the same way?

Sometimes writing about running is a slap in the face reminder that there has never been an actual person that I have loved like this.

A donation of motivation.

2010-06-06T20:16:00.005-05:00

One of the hard things about the 40 before 40 list is it is not a complete list of everything I want to do between now and my birthday. And whether I want to or not there are other things that HAVE to get done.

Things like scrubbing carpets, exercising the dogs, exercising me, destroying dinner, helping The Boy with HIS projects and doing laundry. All of that sexy-fun stuff somehow missed getting line items when I drafted the 40 before 40 list.

I'll have to keep this in mind when I make my next birthday milestone list.

This week is going to be a busy one. Kids are wrapping up school and they have some extra curricular things taking place in the evenings. It is weeks like this where life is so hectic and crazy I think I will never get anything else done on my 40 before 40 list.

I'm also finding myself struggling to get in my regular runs. In part because my evenings are absorbed by other activities and in part because getting up at 5am for a run no longer appeals to me. I think not having running buddies that I meet up with EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND is also killing my motivation. I need to find it again. Or maybe I need to find workout buddies again.

My next half marathon is in just a few weeks and I haven't run more than six miles since the last half marathon in May.

Pathetic.

So if you are out there with some free time that you don't need send it my way. I'm also accepting donations of motivation by the truckload. If you have some to spare, send it over. I'm running low these days and I need to get back on track.

Getting things done.

2010-06-06T19:37:00.003-05:00

I'm officially half done with my list. I just realized that the one about reading books on my nightstand is technically done although I still have a few more books I want to get through.

Here is a list of recent updates and a few comments on some of the things that are still left undone:

Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin. The Boy and I are doing this in July. He might not KNOW IT YET. But we are. Also? We might be taking the children because I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME TO DO THIS ONE!
Climb a rock wall. This needs to be scheduled. It's been rescheduled twice already. Time to get it done.
Run 40 miles in one calendar month. I am hoping June is my month for this.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it. 50% done as of this weekend. Need someone stronger than a 13 year old to help me get a couple things out of there.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once. The Boy has rollerblades AND they fit me. This is going to happen the next time I go to his house.
~~Read some of the books sitting on my nightstand.~~ Read: I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Crazy Stuff - Minnesota.
~~Bet on a horse.~~ Lost, lost, lost, won, lost, won, lost, lost.
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle. I know exactly where I want to go. Just need to schedule it.

The Boy, the girl and the weekend.

2010-05-31T10:44:00.000-05:00

So far this has been a really great weekend. It started with a Twin's game on Friday night at the new stadium. Oh! My! God! I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve the stadium! I can't wait to take the kids there - they will LOVE IT!

I posted a few pictures of the new stadium over here on Flickr. While my overall feeling about the stadium is I LOVE IT, I do not love the Budweiser deck. Which is what I had tickets for and to be honest, it sucked. We had better views of the game wandering around the various levels of the stadium. If you are thinking about buying Budweiser Deck tickets let me know and I'll share with you the pros and cons of that experience.

The rest of the weekend was spent mostly with The Boy. We did a few things on my 40 before 40 list - watch a classic movie, bet on a horse and I also got a photo of the inside of a men's restroom taken care of over at Canterbury Park. We haven't seen eachother since we went to the murder mystery dinner theater awhile back so it was fun having so much time to catch up with one another.

He got to meet my brother for the first time ever and in the moment that they shook hands and introduced themselves to one another it INSTANTLY felt really wrong to me that much of my family and so many of my other friends have never met The Boy.

In the past I have had my reasons for wanting to keep my worlds separate but I don't know that I want to do that anymore. It was strange to me that my brother and The Boy both knew of one another but in TWENTY YEARS they have never met. I adore my brother and I adore The Boy. I bet they would (will) get along wonderfully. Why shouldn't they know each other?

So they met this weekend and I suspect they will meet again.

On Saturday night while splitting a plate of nachos I told The Boy that I want this to be our summer. When I first found myself on the single scene (about 7 years ago) he and I had a summer of projects and fun together. I told him I want to have that summer again with him. We got SO MUCH done at both of our houses and we had SO MUCH FUN doing it. Right now neither one of us is dating other people so the timing for this is perfect.

I didn't ask him to sign a contract or pinky swear on the idea of sharing our summer but I'm pretty sure he's in on this game plan. I'm excited. I always have fun when we are together and I feel like I have missed out on a lot of time with him in recent years. I also find myself much more motivated to do projects, even the putsy ones, when there is someone fun (him) to do them with.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend like I am! Bring on summer! I'm ready!!

Almost halfway.

2010-05-30T19:59:00.004-05:00

Three months to go and I am almost half done with my list!

Here's my updated list:

~~Visit Schells Brewery in New Ulm, Minnesota.~~ March 20 with Brian!!
Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Climb a rock wall.
~~Take a picture inside a men's restroom to prove that I was inside a mens restroom.~~ Thank you, Canterbury.
Run 40 miles in one calendar month.
Get my motorcycle endorsement.
~~Do sit-ups every day for 40 days because it is easier, cheaper and less painful than a tummy tuck. Although probably not as effective.~~ Did 3905 sit-ups in 37 days. On day 38 I came down with the plague and was sick for a week. I'm OK with 37 of 40 days as an accomplishment but the results were shit. Damn you, abs of goo!!
~~Celebrate one year anniversary with AC.~~ This was impossible to accomplish since we split up after dating for about 7 months. I still celebrate my friendship with him though. That has been going strong for about 8 years.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it. This is a project that is in the works.
~~Check my mail or take out the trash after dark, without a big dog or mace and without being scared out of my mind while doing it.~~ Did it during Spring Break when the kids were gone with my sister for the week. Don't think I'll do it again.
Do a photo inventory of the house and belongings. Post to Flickr for safekeeping.
~~Watch a classic movie. You know, something that doesn't have Sandra Bullock in it.~~ ARTHUR! Watched it with The Boy in May and YES! It counts as a classic! The box even said so!
~~Get all my CD's on my computer.~~ Completed: December 30, 2009
Plan myself a super duper crazy awesome 40th birthday party.
Go to a store with Personal Shoppers and have them select an outfit that strays from what I would typically wear. Buy said outfit.
Take an improv class.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once.
Read some of the books sitting on my nightstand.
Run around the lake by my house (approximately 13 miles).
Write something that I am really really proud of.
~~Bet on a horse.~~ Lost, lost, lost, won, lost, won, lost, lost.
~~Kiss in the rain. AC willing.~~ Since the relationship ended during a snowy season not a rainy one this was really not going to happen. It's OK though. I still have plenty of other very fond memories with him.
Take a roadtrip with absolutely no prior planning whatsoever. Pack the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere...
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle.
~~Do something completely spontaneous and fun with the kids. Brownie points if it is something we have never done before.~~ Walked across frozen lake - dogs and kids. Jan 3, 2010. Bid on (AND WON!) a two-night stay (FOR SIX!) in a townhouse on Lake Superior.
~~Take a fitness class. Kettlebells, perhaps?~~ Took a Kettlebell class with Denise!! Also took several Spin Classes WHICH I LOVED!
~~Shoot a gun.~~ April 3 with my former roommate Paul. AKA Satan, the roommate from Hell.
~~Get rid of shoes, clothes, accessories and purses that I don't actually use/wear anymore.~~ Goddamn this was hard.
Leave the country. Even if it is only to cross the border into Canada.
~~Go to a play at a local theater.~~ Saw Panache at Theater in the Round in Minneapolis on January 24th with The Boy and other friends. Photo!
~~Meet someone in person that I originally met online.~~ Done! Met a really cool guy in person in the spring that I had originally met online.
~~Attend a murder mystery dinner.~~ FUN! FUN! FUN! Did this with Brian in April. Will do this again. It was a BLAST!
Touch a snake. If I'm feeling really brave I'll actually hold it.
~~Follow one piece of financial advice that I have never followed before.~~ Checked my credit score and reviewed my credit report for accuracy!! Jan 2010
Watch a bat show in my backyard without my tennis racket.
Create a list of 40 things that rock my world.
Meditate more. Hell, at this point meditating at all equals MORE. It has been tooooo long!
Go through photos from my childhood with my kids. Share with them some of the stories of my youth.
Drink something with an umbrella in it. And no. I won't stuff an umbrella into a bottle of beer.
~~Learn something new.~~ I learned training for a triathlon, half marathon and duathlon at the same time is freaking HARD.

Catch me if you can

2010-05-22T21:37:00.002-05:00

This weekend I ran my second half marathon with a longtime friend from my childhood. He and I trained a lot during the winter months running around local lakes and when I had to get to rehab for my knee he kept training without me.

It all paid off at about 9:30 this morning when he finished the race in 2:11:32 which is an AMAZING time for a new runner and first time half marathoner!

I managed to shave 6 minutes off my time last year and crossed the finish line in 2:28:51 which I am BEYOND happy about!!

After all of the issues I have had with my knee and the impact that had on my training I would have been happy crossing the finish line in a straight 3 hours. To run 13.1 miles TOTALLY PAIN FREE and finish ahead of last years time has motivated me to doing this race again next year. I feel like my running motivation got a huge jumpstart today.

I hope everyone else is having a motivating weekend too!

40 before 40 - Progress Report

2010-05-20T20:35:00.001-05:00

Here's my updated list:

~~Visit Schells Brewery in New Ulm, Minnesota.~~ March 20 with Brian!!
Visit New Glarus Brewing Company in New Glarus, Wisconsin.
Climb a rock wall.
Take a picture inside a men's restroom to prove that I was inside a mens restroom.
Run 40 miles in one calendar month.
Get my motorcycle endorsement.
~~Do sit-ups every day for 40 days because it is easier, cheaper and less painful than a tummy tuck. Although probably not as effective.~~ Did 3905 sit-ups in 37 days. On day 38 I came down with the plague and was sick for a week. I'm OK with 37 of 40 days as an accomplishment but the results were shit. Damn you, abs of goo!!
~~Celebrate one year anniversary with AC.~~ This was impossible to accomplish since we split up after dating for about 7 months. I still celebrate my friendship with him though. That has been going strong for about 8 years.
Unclutter my attic before it caves in on my vehicle that rests below it. This is a project that is in the works.
~~Check my mail or take out the trash after dark, without a big dog or mace and without being scared out of my mind while doing it.~~ Did it during Spring Break when the kids were gone with my sister for the week. Don't think I'll do it again.
Do a photo inventory of the house and belongings. Post to Flickr for safekeeping.
Watch a classic movie. You know, something that doesn't have Sandra Bullock in it. Have the movie. Still haven't watched it.
~~Get all my CD's on my computer.~~ Completed: December 30, 2009
Plan myself a super duper crazy awesome 40th birthday party.
Go to a store with Personal Shoppers and have them select an outfit that strays from what I would typically wear. Buy said outfit.
Take an improv class.
Try rollerblading again. Maybe try it more than once.
Read some of the books sitting on my nightstand.
Run around the lake by my house (approximately 13 miles).
Write something that I am really really proud of.
Bet on a horse. - Planned for May!!!
~~Kiss in the rain. AC willing.~~ Since the relationship ended during a snowy season not a rainy one this was really not going to happen. It's OK though. I still have plenty of other very fond memories with him.
Take a roadtrip with absolutely no prior planning whatsoever. Pack the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere...
Take an overnight trip. By bicycle.
~~Do something completely spontaneous and fun with the kids. Brownie points if it is something we have never done before.~~ Walked across frozen lake - dogs and kids. Jan 3, 2010. Bid on (AND WON!) a two-night stay (FOR SIX!) in a townhouse on Lake Superior.
~~Take a fitness class. Kettlebells, perhaps?~~ Took a Kettlebell class with Denise!! Also took several Spin Classes WHICH I LOVED!
~~Shoot a gun.~~ April 3 with my former roommate Paul. AKA Satan, the roommate from Hell.
~~Get rid of shoes, clothes, accessories and purses that I don't actually use/wear anymore.~~ Goddamn this was hard.
Leave the country. Even if it is only to cross the border into Canada.
~~Go to a play at a local theater.~~ Saw Panache at Theater in the Round in Minneapolis on January 24th with The Boy and other friends. Photo!
~~Meet someone in person that I originally met online.~~ Done! Met a really cool guy in person in the spring that I had originally met online.
~~Attend a murder mystery dinner.~~ FUN! FUN! FUN! Did this with Brian in April. Will do this again. It was a BLAST!
Touch a snake. If I'm feeling really brave I'll actually hold it.
~~Follow one piece of financial advice that I have never followed before.~~ Checked my credit score and reviewed my credit report for accuracy!! Jan 2010
Watch a bat show in my backyard without my tennis racket.
Create a list of 40 things that rock my world.
Meditate more. Hell, at this point meditating at all equals MORE. It has been tooooo long!
Go through photos from my childhood with my kids. Share with them some of the stories of my youth.
Drink something with an umbrella in it. And no. I won't stuff an umbrella into a bottle of beer.
~~Learn something new.~~ I learned training for a triathlon, half marathon and duathlon at the same time is freaking HARD.

The last person to touch my ass region that much had the decency to buy me dinner and drinks.

2010-04-30T19:18:00.000-05:00

I'm sure I've rambled on here or on Twitter or at the office about my recent knee pain but in case you missed it: my knee has been hurting like a mofo when I run lately.

So I did what any responsible runner would do and went to see a sports medicine doctor about it last week on Friday. He prescribed a visit to a Physical Therapist.

My first meeting was this morning and the appointment went well despite the fact that some frail elder woman that reminded me very much of Florence Henderson KICKED MY ASS FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT.

No lie.

The Physical Therapist, we'll call her Flo, was as big around as one of my thighs and barely taller than my shoulders. My 10 year old is bigger than she is.

I have to say she is the NICEST lady but she is deceptively petite. I quickly discovered there is a body builder under that tiny little frame and dusty blue cardigan.

She did an assessment starting at my hips/pelvic area and worked her way down towards my knee. After she had determined that my left pelvic bone was tilted forward she started on the beatings.

I mean EXERCISES.

By the time I got to the office I had already noticed a change in how I felt. First of all I felt like I had a good stretch and workout in my legs. I didn't even do anything hardcore. Didn't even break a sweat. It seems that the focus on doing a few new stretching exercises and doing them correctly must have done some magic.

There might have even been a hint of voodoo magic in those exercises. Right around lunch time I realized that the tiny twinge of constant pain I have felt in my knee for just over a week had disappeared. Which is great but this improvement will make NOT RUNNING very hard.

I'm hopeful that following the exercises/stretches prescribed by Flo and twice weekly beatings will resolve the issue with my knee and allow me to run a half marathon next month.

Please cross your fingers that I'll be able to cross the finish line next month.

An addendum to my previous post.

2010-04-28T18:30:00.001-05:00

So for those of you not sure what that previous post was all about let me explain.

My daughters school announced this week (to the students) that they will most likely be implementing a school dress code. Not a uniform. A dress code. Frankly, I do not understand the difference.

This is all unofficial at this point since nothing has been communicated formally to parents. That said, I have completed not one but two surveys on the subject and sent a rather clear email to the school administration letting them know that implementing a uniform policy would cause me to SERIOUSLY RECONSIDER sending my children to their school.

I will review their dress code policy once it is communicated officially but at this point my opinion (based on what my daughter has explained to me) is that it is time to start exploring other educational opportunities for my kids.

Yes. I am THAT against school uniforms.

So if you live in the Twin Cities (north east metro) and have any school recommendations for 7th through 12th grade let me know.

I'm exploring options starting now.

ahem

2010-04-28T15:24:00.001-05:00

Thanks to CursingMama for the image edit.